by Thomas Keister

As SmackDown hit the airwaves from Louisville, Kentucky, Batista made his way to the ring, no doubts with thoughts on his #1 Contender match with Rey Mysterio, as well as the actions of the masked star from last week, which cost Batista that spot outright. Demanding an explanation from General Manager Teddy Long, the big man instead got Mysterio who, wisely staying on the stage, tried to turn the mindgames around on his erstwhile best friend, saying it seemed to him that he was afraid of Mysterio pulling out another victory this week! Saying not only that he would win, but he would make sure Mysterio did not even walk away from the match, Batista put his challenger on notice that there would be no more games in this evening's main event.

In a rematch from last week's Beat the Clock Challenge, Kane and Dolph Ziggler picked up where their excellent match from last Friday left off. Starting out strong, the Big Red Machine battered the young superstar with hard right hands and impact moves, looking to set and keep his own pace in the early goings. Battling back, Ziggler went with the sleeper again this week, putting Kane on the defensive as his struggled to gain a second wind. Going back to the vintage Kane playbook, the momentum had clearly shifted to the direction of the former WWE Champion, but a Zig Zag combined with a second sleeper put Ziggler back in the driver's seat. Being behind the wheel does not always guarantee a straight line, as Kane, desperate to shake his opponent, toppled from the ring, taking Ziggler along for the ride. Showing tenacity reminiscent of another former WWE star (you know, Chris Benoit, the guy the WWE no longer acknowledges), Ziggler maintained a death grip on his sleeper through eight on the referee's count, not only wearing down the big man, but insuring a quick count-out victory for the quick-thinking Ziggler, who beat the ten count back in as a dazed Kane could not regain his bearings in time. I like the direction this program is heading. It reminds me a lot of Chris Jericho's feud with Kane a few years back. The way they are playing this, I can see a push for Ziggler, regardless of what some overindulged members of the SmackDown roster would prefer to see. Keep your eyes on Ziggler in 2010, people.

In six-man tag action, R-Truth wasted another minute or so of the WWE Universe's life with his entrance, as he teamed with Cryme Tyme to face The Hart Dynasty and Chris Jericho. Still stinging from his ouster on RAW this past Monday night, Jericho was ideally looking for the Dynasty to continue "making an impact" in the course of this contest. Starting out with quick tags and a fluid pace, Truth and Cryme Tyme were firmly in charge, and very little had changed when action resumed from the commerical break, although Jericho and company soon employed the numbers game, repeatedly using the referee's distraction to grind down Shad Gaspard. The big man would make the hot tag to spark a rally, but the experience of Jericho would tilt the scales in his team's favor, as he caught JTG off the middle rope to lock in the Walls of Jericho, leaving JTG no other option but to tap out. Yet another sign of the consistently better action being taped on Tuesday after they finish phoning it in on Mondays. Look for the Hart Dynasty to start making a real impact in the coming weeks, cause Lord knows we will not be seeing it from Cryme Tyme, that is, unless they get a new series of backstage skits with Eve Torres...

CM Punk and Luke Gallows then hit the ring, with the anticipated "salvation" of a member of the Louisville audience. "James," was then brought into the ring by Gallows, finding himself smack dab in the middle of a straight-edge intervention. Never thought I would see the day when "Just Say No" would be part of a promo in the WWE. Before James could take his place in the Straight-Edge Society, however, there was one rite of passage left- getting his head shaved. While James was not entirely feeling this, Punk was there to convince him, sternly, to take a seat. While straight-edge may be well and good for some people, the one question I have left is why didn't they shave his whole head?

Since he was already in the ring, why not have Luke Gallows make his singles in-ring debut? While he had the overly-moral support of CM Punk on the outside, Gallows had no pushover for an opponent in Matt Hardy, who is still in the running for an ECW title match. This clearly came down to the experience and speed of Hardy versus the pure raw strength of Gallows. While Hardy held his own in the opening minutes of the match, once Gallows found an opening, he pressed his advantage hard, combining impact moves and ground holds to keep Hardy both off-balance and on the defensive. Providing just enough of a distraction to draw Hardy's attention off his opponent, Punk looked on with great delight as Gallows planted Hardy with the 12th Step (or the Gallows Pole...not quite sure which one they are formally going with). Whatever the move's name, it was once again brutally effective, as three seconds later, Gallows was a winner in his SmackDown singles debut.

In no mood for apologies from last week's run-in with Women's Champion Michelle McCool and Layla from last week, Beth Phoenix was all business as this match got underway, much to the chagrin of Layla, her opponent for the evening. This one was all Glamazon, and it didn't last long, either. After the bell, Layla and McCool jumped Phoenix, apparently no longer willing to make friends, but this week, it was Mickie James to make the save, although payback was saved for all parties involved, as after clearing the ring, James left Phoenix laying with a spin kick to return the favor from last week.

In a backstage interview, Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre spun questions on his two controversial wins in recent weeks over John Morrison, adding that he was going to be the first reigning IC Champ to win the Royal Rumble, which brought Morrison into the picture, trying his level-headed best to get under the champ's skin. When McIntyre failed to take the bait, Morrison instead slapped him, touching off a quick brawl that referees and road agents were attempting to break up when the segment ended. Remember the good old days when this sort of thing happened on a regular basis? No midgets, no schilling, no clueless celebrities goofing the names of the wrestlers, pay-per-views...this segment reminded me of those days, and how I miss them.

With a World Heavyweight Title match with The Undertaker at the Royal Rumble on the line, my hopes were not big for this match. You either had A- another undeserved World title shot for Rey Mysterio, or B- yet another Batista-Taker pay-per-view match-up. Still personally hoping on Batista as the introductions were made, as I would rather see anyone...Slam Master J, the Brooklyn Brawler, hell, even Michael Cole get a World Heavyweight title shot than Rey Mysterio.

At the bell, Batista swarmed and overwhelmed Mysterio, putting his unbelievable strength on display as he tossed Mysterio around the ring at will. Mysterio would try in vain to battle back, only to have Batista catch a cross body block and drive his back in to the ringpost. Coming back from the break, both men were dialing it up a notch, but after a failed frog splash left them struggling for control, it looked to be Batista's match to lose, after two big spinebusters and a bone-rattling spear. From out of nowhere, the Undertaker's oh so familiar music chimed as the lights but out, and when they came back up, Batista had joined Mysterio on the canvas, laid out by forces unseen. Seizing the moment to set Bastista up for the 619, Mysterio then fell victim to the lights cutting out, followed once again by the Undertaker's music. Once again, both men were flat on their backs as the lights came back up. As SmackDown ended this week, the Undertaker's entrance started up a third time, with the number one contendership still very much in doubt!

Bottom Line: B. This is obviously the brand that tries harder. Maybe it's because they have the underdog image in the company, maybe it's because people with wrestling experience are writing the shows, who knows, but the simple fact has been this is the show not to miss during the week. You have storylines being extended and even created, and with the traditional trimmings one would expect.

Join Dr. Thomas Keister and "The Internet Legend" ppdingles tonight as the internationally acclaimed talk radio hit Probably Uncalled For kicks off its 4th Season, LIVE as always on BlogTalkRadio! Topics to include having a worse New Years than others, Avatar, another musician getting all anal about the Internet, God, Pot, Blasphemy. You know, the usual, along with other topics to be announced. Phones and chat room open the duration of the broadcast. Rated Mature, some discretion advised.

New Episodes Wednesday Nights LIVE 11pm Eastern/8pm Pacific
BlogTalkRadio.com/ProbablyUncalledFor

Probably Uncalled For also Available on iTunes!

by Thomas Keister

With six big matches, including a four match tournament to crown a new Champion, XCW Mid-West Wrestling was loaded for bear as its January 5 New Year's Revolution show kicked off 2010 with a bang in their new home at Jammerz Rollerdome!

"The Real Deal" Derrick Neal started an exciting opening contest with Simon Sezz. before the bell, but quickly winding up outside the ring after his opponent regained his bearings. Retaking an agressive lead, Neal ignored the rulebook in order to wear down Simon. Cutting off a rally and cranking up the pressure, Neal grew frustrated with Simon's resilience after several near falls. A missed splash from the middle rope gave Simon the chance he needed, and he gained the pinfall following a flip piledriver

The tournament's first match saw Todd Morton battle 2 Tuff Tony. With the size and strength both being in 2 Tuff Tony's favor, the early half of the match saw the big man keep Morton off balance and desperate to break through, especially after a classic "criss cross" which left Morton outraged but able to return to the drawing board. While Tony pulled out a hard-fought win, the devious Morton planted a chain on him, leaving the ref no choice but to call for a disqualification, placing Morton one win away from gold.

Hardboiled Vets Anchor Mid-Card

Ready to beat some humble into the cocky JD Maverick in the second tournament first round match, Bull Pain certainly looked to be well on his way to doing just that, controlling the first ten minutes and displaying Maverick's toughness, if anything. While Maverick found an opening and attempted to ground Pain by battering his left knee, the big man rumbled back to hit the Painkiller and move on to the finals.

The third and final tournament first round match pitted two indy wrestling legends, the always memorable Mad Man Pondo against the heart and soul of XCW Mid-West Wrestling, "Marvelous" Mitch Ryder. What started out as a friendly match soon had nowhere to go but down. With a heavyweight title shot at stake, the clean breaks soon gave way to hard rights, and before long, Pondo had taken the match outside, using every bit of the surroundings to his gain. Making it back into the ring, both men slugged it out, colliding with the ref in the process. Taking advantage of the situation, JD Maverick hit the ring to deliver a top rope elbow to a prone Ryder. Quickly covering him, Pondo gained the fall to advance to the evening's main event.

Controversy Boils over into Main Event

In a singles match featuring members of two XCW tag teams, Johnny Punch of Knuckles and Knives stepped up versus The Mobile Homers' Adam Revolver. While Revolver was firing on all cylinders, a quick thinking Punch crotched him on the middle rope and wrapped him up for the three count, ending the match almost as fast as it began!

The tournament had been clouded in controversy, and the championship elimination final proved to be no different. While Todd Morton would be unsuccessful in creating an alliance with either of his opponents, Bull Pain was equally successful in quickly eliminating the scheming contender with an old school jumping piledriver. Playing the numbers game, Pondo ran interference as manager Melissa Wild cracked Pain across the head with her kendo stick. Diverting Senior Referee Ollie's attention to Wild, Pondo then devastated Pain with a stop sign shot to the head for the three count to steal the match and take the XCW Mid-West Title.

XCW Mid-West Wrestling returns to action Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at Jammerz Rollerdome for the 2nd Annual Rollin' Hard Memorial Show.

For more information, go to XCW Mid-West Wrestling on MySpace, or become a fan on Facebook here.

by Thomas Keister

After the debacle we witnessed last week, the first RAW of the new year was actually anticipated greatly, if only for the presence of Bret Hart to remind us what once was, and sadly what may never be again. As he thanked everyone in between welcome back chants, Hart cut right to the chase, calling out Shawn Michaels for what would be the first face-to-face meeting between the two men since the infamous night in Montreal twelve years prior.

As expected, Michaels cut to his own chase, telling Hart that he got everything he deserved that night at the Survivor Series, due to disrespecting Michaels and the business itself, and that there was a large part of Michaels that didn't regret a thing. Preferring to let everyone's memory linger on the Ironman match, Michaels admitted Hart was not the only one who wanted to move on after twelve years. Hart then extended his hand, and the two shook on it. Before leaving the ring, Michaels stopped and embraced Hart. Then again, that was a TV handshake, people. I'm not so sure I could get past being called a "hairless yellow dog," even if I did (for the most part) deserve it.

Anyone who thought Hart was done there obviously did not pay enough attention. Having apparently taken care of business with the Heartbreak Kid, Hart then immediately got to the meeting everyone wanted to see- Vince McMahon. Calling out the Chairman, Hart quickly found himself standing in the ring alone as the first commercial break of the evening took over. It may not have been high drama, but compared to recent efforts, it may have well been Shakespeare in the Park.

Josh Matthews would gamely try to get an answer from Vince on why he didn't go to the ring, but for the second straight week, we got the classic heel McMahon. Saying he had just come from a meeting (no doubt watching Hogan's promo on Impact), McMahon flatly stated that no one calls him out, and that he would call Hart out later in the evening, if he wanted a "public discourse." Finally, a glimmer of hope the end of Monday Night Raw would be worth a damn this week.

It may have felt like a big game atmosphere, but the first play from scrimmage saw the booking drop the ball, as the show kicked off in-ring action with the Divas. Sigh, yawn, and sigh again. Although Maryse was involved, this week she was facing Brie Bella in the first round of a tournament to determine a new Divas Champion, as Melina had to vacate due to injury. First off, this match was a big reason 99% of the Bella twins' on-air involvement is as background scenery for the guest hosts, and secondly, I think Maryse's surprised expression at the failed "switcheroo" was not scripted. I think she was literally thinking "they are still going with this act?" Even Festus got a fresh gimmick when they figured out a next generation George Steele was not, in fact, equaling ratings, and God knows that one wiggle move the Bella sisters got is as fresh as the seat on an exercise bike after thirty minutes of Mae Young.

The first match worth paying attention to was a Fatal 4-Way to determine a #1 Contender for the United States Championship. You had two guys in need of a push, and you also had Carlito and Mark Henry. While MVP and Jack Swagger helped establish a frenetic pace to this match, it quickly became obvious they were the focal point. I could waste a month of Sundays complaining how big, how huge, how monumental a waste it is giving Carlito anything other than a comfortable plane ride back to Puerto Rico, or how simply giving Mark Henry a HD-friendly singlet is not going to rejuvinate his career, but rather than go through all that, I'll simply tell you MVP earned the U.S. title shot after hitting the Playmaker on Swagger for the win. Thanks to the commercial breaks, this was a better match than what you got to see.

The Big Show and Chris Jericho were down to the bottom of the ninth, with two outs and the closer on the mound. Facing their final rematch for the WWE Unified Tag Team titles, Jericho had attempted to grease the wheels with Bret Hart, but to no avail, as the Hitman quickly told Jericho he would have to save his spot on Raw himself! Meanwhile, DX was busy using Santino Marella and other props to push merchandise and predict victory. Yeah, if you are feeling deja vu, don't bother asking your doctor for something prescription-strength...this crap happens every week, and it is it's own side effect.

As the actual match went, this was the high point for the evening. Granted, you occasionally got the feeling that four former World Champions were simply going through the motions (listening, Triple H?), but as far as tag team wrestling goes, this was textbook in spots, crib notes in others. Good work by Jericho and Big Show in cutting the ring in half and actually building the pressure on a hot tag, rather than hoping Cole or Lawler could explain it away after coming back from the commercials. The ending, prop included, could have been seen a mile away on a foggy day, but it could have been worse for Chris Jericho. He could have been sent to ECW. There are worse things than losing a match in this business.

In one of the slightly more surreal moments, even for this week's episode, Randy Orton sought out Vince McMahon with a proposal, one that would allow McMahon to get one over on Bret Hart, allow Orton to resurrect the "Legend Killer" gimmick for a night, and most importantly to the former champ, allow Orton to draw the #30 entry into the Royal Rumble. Flatly refusing, McMahon left Orton to receive the rest of his bad day. This week, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes returned the favor, telling Orton that his spot in Legacy was on the line, and that they would be at ringside to dish out punishment...should Orton be unable to defeat Kofi Kingston!

WWE Champion Sheamus hit the ring to remind everyone that he has backed up everything he said he was going to do thus far, and since the last two or three items on the Irishman's list has come at the expense of John Cena, so much for the better. Announcing he was ready for a new challenge at the Rumble, Evan Bourne hit the ring to demand an opportunity to earn a WWE Championship match. While nearly stealing one in the opening moments of the match, Bourne soon enough found himself showered in beatdown from the Champ. It was all Champ from that point forward. If you hadn't guessed by now. Champ won.

With a match like the one they had tonight, it's just a damn shame the program between Randy Orton and Kofi Kingston has absolutely nothing for either man to gain. I don't see Orton being a serious presence in the title hunt until closer to SummerSlam, and if Kingston hasn't hit the glass ceiling, he has damn sure grazed it. This could have meant so much more. Orton wins, although Legacy looked as though they were playing their cards close to the vest after this one was over. I liked the turnabout from last week's "lose and you're out" angle, but the only time you throw the head a of stable out is when he's turning face, and if you think Randy Orton is going face in 2010, you need to go back to watching Jersey Shore and leave the heavy lifting to us adults.

All this led up to the confrontation between Vince and Bret in the ring. They could have done so much more with this, especially in light of knowing the lengths TNA was going in competing against them, if only for one night (?). But they didn't. Why feign surprise at this point? Vince is fond of saying he is not worried about TNA, and watching tonight's show, I am prone to believe him. But too many more missed opportunies, and Vince's deja vu will consist of adjusting to the scenery when second place passes on the outside to pull ahead...

Bottom Line: C-. More watchable (if not by much) matches. One fewer match than last week, although I think the Tag Title match was longer than all the matches last week combined. Still way too much time spent talking or passing off ham-fisted "writing" as improv. Something tells me for all the regrets Bret Hart mentioned in his book, he may be working on a new laundry list by the time mid-April rolls around, if enough people are watching for it to matter by then.

by Thomas Keister

Amazing how little it seems like there is to bitch about once a new year kicks off. All the crap we had forced down our gullets 365 days last year can't help but seem a little dated now, and that's just what you think when you realize you have just written '09 on all the checks for the bills, and for the second time in a row.

Sure, there are a few issues that will survive the arrival of Baby New Year, like two wars, one crap economy, a health care boondoggle even Dr. House couldn't cure, and no real hero on the horizon, just a bunch of people talkin' about change like we haven't heard that mess every four years since day one. But at least all those things are tangible, they can and will continue to nip at our asses as we run up and down stairs, in and out of offices, or on and off the morning train.

Thank God people still find time to bitch about the funny pages.

No, I did not just date myself (I'm 34, for the record), but I still have the lingering memories of having the comics called just that - the funny pages. Supposed to be just that - funny, a little distraction from the tragic comedies continued throughout the rest of the paper. If only that were true.

Having just read some half-assed opinion piece about the perceived value of the comics, and what happens when some whippersnapper tries to mess with it, I decided to write my own half-assed piece on the state of comics, using my local paper of choice, the Louisville Courier-Journal.

Why, on a daily basis, I am assailed by fifty-year-old punchlines (Peanuts, B.C., Dennis the Menace), insipid greeting card humor (Family Circus), and worse yet, soap operas doled out 2-4 panels at a time (Apartment 3-G or the insufferable Rex Morgan, M.D.), I will never know. I mean, Peanuts? I literally do not know anyone alive that finds humor from Peanuts.

Cathy? I'm sure if she wasn't so busy trying to find a pair of boots that didnt make her look like a fat chick in a pair of boots, then maybe she could have been Tiger's #15 (or whatever the hell the number is to by now).

B.C.? Reminds me of the two Vaudeville performers from Family Guy, only there is no infant packing an automatic to take care of comic genius such as this. Speaking of which, where are all the gun-toting infants these days? You would have thought the NRA would be working overtime on that.

Garfield and Marmaduke? The only guy to secure as much money and fame with as little material as the creators of these two strips is Larry the Cable Guy, and that is actually a complement to Larry the Cable Guy. I have heard the only thing worse than neglecting an animal is not putting one down when it is more than apparent it is time. Are you listening, Jim Davis?

Don't even get me started on Ziggy. I have made the joke on occasion that I would consider selling my left testicle to Satan for fame, but Tom Wilson, I hope hell for him is watching the director's cut of Gilmore Girls, all the seasons, on a loop for all of eternity. And I hope Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Amy Winehouse share the couch with him...

You want a laugh, go online. You want comedy in your newspaper, stick to the political news. At least there, the punchlines are always new in the end.

from Free Rein Media Creations,

Three NEW t-shirts for you to buy and wear proudly. Click HERE to see more and order.

by Thomas Keister

CM Punk made his way to ringside, not only to face Matt Hardy in the first of four "Beat the Clock" matches to establish a #1 Contender for Undertaker's World Heavyweight Championship, but to work his way through the same promo he has been cutting for week on end. How to eliminate the boredom, why, you work a little old school interactivity into the mix, as next week, Punk will "save" a member of the audience. Guess that makes Luke Gallows the new Virgil, doesn't it? Think someone should tell him that is not a good thing for his career path...

Anyhow, on to the match...The sheep that mostly comprised the audience were apparently either sitting on their hands as the show got under way, or they were busy texting their BFFs, as this match kicked off with some solid matwork, only to be drowned out by the sounds of silence. While trying to set the pace for the Beat the Clock Challenge, Punk and Hardy almost seemed to go a couple minutes longer than they should have. The sad part is, given what we have been subjected to lately, the 7:20 match time almost seems like Flair-Steamboat from the 80s. The attack by Punk and Gallows after the bell was a little anti-climatic, kind of like going through the motions to further a program with little to nothing at stake between these two men.
 
As little as WWE utilizes their tag team division, the way they use their big men is equally laughable, so any optimism that Kane was involved in the Beat the Clock Challenge should have been quickly extinguished. Opposing the Big Red Machine tonight was Dolph Ziggler, a man without a push, thanks to some masked chump on a drug suspension at the time. The deafening silence that met Punk and Matt Hardy in the opener carried over, even with Ziggler and Kane chain wrestling to start the match. Yes, I said CHAIN WRESTLNG! Any doubts that Ziggler can't be a big timer in this company should have been wiped away watching him and the big man trade moves the way it used to be done, before T-shirt sales began doing the booker's work for them. While neither man managed to top CM Punk's time from the opening contest, a solid match with a little extra credit thrown my way for the sleeper spot they used to run out the timer!

It's getting pretty damn bad when they are going to have to start piping in the cheers like a laugh track, which seems only inevitable when the fans are getting more conditioned to a variety show product than wrestling matches on a regular basis.

The Great Khali lumbered out to dispose of "The Carolina Panther" in a mere twenty-six seconds. Who is the Carolina Panther. you ask? Does it matter? At any rate, it was better than watching a guy in a tiger suit outrun a hired blonde swinging an iron and gamely running in heels...

The much-anticipated rematch between John Morrison and Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental title kicked off the second hour, and this was a better match than most would give it credit for. Maybe if there were more tag team title matches like this, I keep telling myself that, over and over, but to no avail...This was a compact little match that did a better job of continuing a storyline than anything taking place in the mysterious "land under the ring." The finish, which saw McIntyre shove Morrison into the referee to trigger a DQ for the challenger, was nothing groundbreaking, but at the same time was more clever than anything we've seen in the Land of Cena.

The second of the evening's throwaway matches featured Beth Phoenix once again battling Mickie James, with Layla and Michelle McCool at ringside to continue the "Sweet Valley High" make fun of the other girl's figure antics. This attempt to craft a counterpiece for the Beautiful People in TNA is half-assed at best, not even good parody at worst. Believe me folks, this is as insightful as you will find my commentary on the Divas scene, and this is AFTER they quit raiding all the strippers' closets instead of training.

The best heel in World Wrestling Entertainment then hit the ring to square off with the face with the cardboard knees, as Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio were set for the evening's third Beat the Clock Challenge match. I have never been a big fan of Mysterio, recent revelations about his work ethic aside, but the simularities and contrasts between both men's style were firmly on display in what had to be, for my money, the best TV match WWE offered this week. There were, of course, no massive surprises in this, a hard-fought match coming down to another "miracle" win for Mysterio, with one second to spare.

They wasted 1:20 on R-Truth's entrance. Normally, I would say that was eighty seconds of my life I would never get back, but with R-Truth, it has been downgraded to the unpleasantness I can imagine one suffers during a prostate exam. Just keep telling yourself, "it will be over soon, it will be over soon." Not that I was expecting much in the way of a mat classic with Truth facing Batista, but with Rey Mysterio in the driver's seat for the #1 Contendership, the smart money said this whole show length set-up would be for naught.

How close I was. While R-Truth struggled to fire off some token offensive moves, this was clearly Batista's match to lose, and they were playing it to the bone, with Batista working the clock to make a statement to his former BFF. The surprise of having Mysterio drag the ref from the ring to prevent Batista from advancing was nice, although the match for next week with Mysterio and Batista, to establish a "true" number one contender hardly detracted from the evening's action on a whole. God knows we are not going to see Mysterio in the World Title match at the Rumble, but the whole program between these two is in danger of becoming Friday night's version of Cena-Orton. Or is that Taker-Batista? Hard to keep track of all the same ole same ole creative is churning out these days...

SmackDown! Results:

- CM Punk pinned Matt Hardy at 7:20 following the GTS to take the Beat the Clock lead.
- Kane and Dolph Ziggler failed to Beat the Clock
- The Great Khali crushed The Carolina Panther
- Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre defeated John Morrison by DQ to retain the title
- Mickie James pinned Beth Phoenix.
- Rey Mysterio pinned Chris Jericho at 7:19 with a small package to take the Beat the Clock lead.
- Batista and R-Truth failed to Beat the Clock

Bottom Line: B. A far better show this week than RAW, in every sense of the word. No backstage shenanigans overshadowing the in-ring action. The matches felt less like time fillers or stall tactics to help the guest host learn the name of the wrestlers or pay-per-views. There was more than twice as much wrestling as compared to Monday night, and that is the math speaking there, plain and simple. SmackDown felt like a show trying to prove to the sheep that WWE can put out wrestling product when they are not trying to compete with Saturday Night Live for the comedy audience.

by Thomas Keister

If you can believe it, Ireland's new blasphemy law went into effect on New Year's Day. Blasphemy? Check this out, reprinted courtesy of blasphemy.ie

Campaign begins to repeal the Irish blasphemy law

We ask Fianna Fail and the Green Party to repeal their anachronistic blasphemy law, as part of the revision of the Defamation Act that is included within the Act. We ask them to hold a referendum to remove the reference to blasphemy from the Irish Constitution.

We also ask all TDs and Senators to support a referendum to remove references to God from the Irish Constitution, including the clauses that prevent atheists from being appointed as President of Ireland or as a Judge without swearing a religious oath asking God to direct them in their work.

If you run a website, blog or other media publication, please feel free to republish this statement and the list of quotes yourself, in order to show your support for the campaign to repeal the Irish blasphemy law and to promote a rational, ethical, secular Ireland.

List of 25 Blasphemous Quotes Published by Atheist Ireland

1. Jesus Christ, when asked if he was the son of God, in Matthew 26:64: “Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.” According to the Christian Bible, the Jewish chief priests and elders and council deemed this statement by Jesus to be blasphemous, and they sentenced Jesus to death for saying it.

2. Jesus Christ, talking to Jews about their God, in John 8:44: “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him.” This is one of several chapters in the Christian Bible that can give a scriptural foundation to Christian anti-Semitism. The first part of John 8, the story of “whoever is without sin cast the first stone”, was not in the original version, but was added centuries later. The original John 8 is a debate between Jesus and some Jews. In brief, Jesus calls the Jews who disbelieve him sons of the Devil, the Jews try to stone him, and Jesus runs away and hides.

3. Muhammad, quoted in Hadith of Bukhari, Vol 1 Book 8 Hadith 427: “May Allah curse the Jews and Christians for they built the places of worship at the graves of their prophets.” This quote is attributed to Muhammad on his death-bed as a warning to Muslims not to copy this practice of the Jews and Christians. It is one of several passages in the Koran and in Hadith that can give a scriptural foundation to Islamic anti-Semitism, including the assertion in Sura 5:60 that Allah cursed Jews and turned some of them into apes and swine.

4. Mark Twain, describing the Christian Bible in Letters from the Earth, 1909: “Also it has another name - The Word of God. For the Christian thinks every word of it was dictated by God. It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies… But you notice that when the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, adored Father of Man, goes to war, there is no limit. He is totally without mercy - he, who is called the Fountain of Mercy. He slays, slays, slays! All the men, all the beasts, all the boys, all the babies; also all the women and all the girls, except those that have not been deflowered. He makes no distinction between innocent and guilty… What the insane Father required was blood and misery; he was indifferent as to who furnished it.” Twain’s book was published posthumously in 1939. His daughter, Clara Clemens, at first objected to it being published, but later changed her mind in 1960 when she believed that public opinion had grown more tolerant of the expression of such ideas. That was half a century before Fianna Fail and the Green Party imposed a new blasphemy law on the people of Ireland.

5. Tom Lehrer, The Vatican Rag, 1963: “Get in line in that processional, step into that small confessional. There, the guy who’s got religion’ll tell you if your sin’s original. If it is, try playing it safer, drink the wine and chew the wafer. Two, four, six, eight, time to transubstantiate!”

6. Randy Newman, God’s Song, 1972: “And the Lord said: I burn down your cities - how blind you must be. I take from you your children, and you say how blessed are we. You all must be crazy to put your faith in me. That’s why I love mankind.”

7. James Kirkup, The Love That Dares to Speak its Name, 1976: “While they prepared the tomb I kept guard over him. His mother and the Magdalen had gone to fetch clean linen to shroud his nakedness. I was alone with him… I laid my lips around the tip of that great cock, the instrument of our salvation, our eternal joy. The shaft, still throbbed, anointed with death’s final ejaculation.” This extract is from a poem that led to the last successful blasphemy prosecution in Britain, when Denis Lemon was given a suspended prison sentence after he published it in the now-defunct magazine Gay News. In 2002, a public reading of the poem, on the steps of St. Martin-in-the-Fields church in Trafalgar Square, failed to lead to any prosecution. In 2008, the British Parliament abolished the common law offences of blasphemy and blasphemous libel.

8. Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath, in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979: “Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.”

9. Rev Ian Paisley MEP to the Pope in the European Parliament, 1988: “I denounce you as the Antichrist.” Paisley’s website describes the Antichrist as being “a liar, the true son of the father of lies, the original liar from the beginning… he will imitate Christ, a diabolical imitation, Satan transformed into an angel of light, which will deceive the world.”

10. Conor Cruise O’Brien, 1989: “In the last century the Arab thinker Jamal al-Afghani wrote: ‘Every Muslim is sick and his only remedy is in the Koran.’ Unfortunately the sickness gets worse the more the remedy is taken.”

11. Frank Zappa, 1989: “If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine - but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who knows if you’ve been bad or good - and cares about any of it - to hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain working.”

12. Salman Rushdie, 1990: “The idea of the sacred is quite simply one of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to turn other ideas - uncertainty, progress, change - into crimes.” In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran issued a fatwa ordering Muslims to kill Rushdie because of blasphemous passages in Rushdie’s novel The Satanic Verses.

13. Bjork, 1995: “I do not believe in religion, but if I had to choose one it would be Buddhism. It seems more livable, closer to men… I’ve been reading about reincarnation, and the Buddhists say we come back as animals and they refer to them as lesser beings. Well, animals aren’t lesser beings, they’re just like us. So I say fuck the Buddhists.”

14. Amanda Donohoe on her role in the Ken Russell movie Lair of the White Worm, 1995: “Spitting on Christ was a great deal of fun. I can’t embrace a male god who has persecuted female sexuality throughout the ages, and that persecution still goes on today all over the world.”

15. George Carlin, 1999: “Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!”

16. Paul Woodfull as Ding Dong Denny O’Reilly, The Ballad of Jaysus Christ, 2000: “He said me ma’s a virgin and sure no one disagreed, Cause they knew a lad who walks on water’s handy with his feet… Jaysus oh Jaysus, as cool as bleedin’ ice, With all the scrubbers in Israel he could not be enticed, Jaysus oh Jaysus, it’s funny you never rode, Cause it’s you I do be shoutin’ for each time I shoot me load.”

17. Jesus Christ, in Jerry Springer The Opera, 2003: “Actually, I’m a bit gay.” In 2005, the Christian Institute tried to bring a prosecution against the BBC for screening Jerry Springer the Opera, but the UK courts refused to issue a summons.

18. Tim Minchin, Ten-foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins, 2005: “So you’re gonna live in paradise, With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins, So you’re gonna sacrifice your life, For a shot at the greener grass, And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgment, He’s gonna kick my heathen ass.”

19. Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion, 2006: “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” In 2007 Turkish publisher Erol Karaaslan was charged with the crime of insulting believers for publishing a Turkish translation of The God Delusion. He was acquitted in 2008, but another charge was brought in 2009. Karaaslan told the court that “it is a right to criticise religions and beliefs as part of the freedom of thought and expression.”

20. Pope Benedict XVI quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, 2006: “Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” This statement has already led to both outrage and condemnation of the outrage. The Organisation of the Islamic Conference, the world’s largest Muslim body, said it was a “character assassination of the prophet Muhammad”. The Malaysian Prime Minister said that “the Pope must not take lightly the spread of outrage that has been created.” Pakistan’s foreign Ministry spokesperson said that “anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence”. The European Commission said that “reactions which are disproportionate and which are tantamount to rejecting freedom of speech are unacceptable.”

21. Christopher Hitchens in God is not Great, 2007: “There is some question as to whether Islam is a separate religion at all… Islam when examined is not much more than a rather obvious and ill-arranged set of plagiarisms, helping itself from earlier books and traditions as occasion appeared to require… It makes immense claims for itself, invokes prostrate submission or ‘surrender’ as a maxim to its adherents, and demands deference and respect from nonbelievers into the bargain. There is nothing-absolutely nothing-in its teachings that can even begin to justify such arrogance and presumption.”

22. PZ Myers, on the Roman Catholic communion host, 2008: “You would not believe how many people are writing to me, insisting that these horrible little crackers (they look like flattened bits of styrofoam) are literally pieces of their god, and that this omnipotent being who created the universe can actually be seriously harmed by some third-rate liberal intellectual at a third-rate university… However, inspired by an old woodcut of Jews stabbing the host, I thought of a simple, quick thing to do: I pierced it with a rusty nail (I hope Jesus’s tetanus shots are up to date). And then I simply threw it in the trash, followed by the classic, decorative items of trash cans everywhere, old coffeegrounds and a banana peel.”

23. Ian O’Doherty, 2009: “(If defamation of religion was illegal) it would be a crime for me to say that the notion of transubstantiation is so ridiculous that even a small child should be able to see the insanity and utter physical impossibility of a piece of bread and some wine somehow taking on corporeal form. It would be a crime for me to say that Islam is a backward desert superstition that has no place in modern, enlightened Europe and it would be a crime to point out that Jewish settlers in Israel who believe they have a God given right to take the land are, frankly, mad. All the above assertions will, no doubt, offend someone or other.”

24. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, 2009: “Whether a person is atheist or any other, there is in fact in my view something not totally human if they leave out the transcendent… we call it God… I think that if you leave that out you are not fully human.” Because atheism is not a religion, the Irish blasphemy law does not protect atheists from abusive and insulting statements about their fundamental beliefs. While atheists are not seeking such protection, we include the statement here to point out that it is discriminatory that this law does not hold all citizens equal.

25. Dermot Ahern, Irish Minister for Justice, introducing his blasphemy law at an Oireachtas Justice Committee meeting, 2009, and referring to comments made about him personally: “They are blasphemous.” Deputy Pat Rabbitte replied: “Given the Minister’s self-image, it could very well be that we are blaspheming,” and Minister Ahern replied: “Deputy Rabbitte says that I am close to the baby Jesus, I am so pure.” So here we have an Irish Justice Minister joking about himself being blasphemed, at a parliamentary Justice Committee discussing his own blasphemy law, that could make his own jokes illegal.

Finally, as a bonus, Micheal Martin, Irish Minister for Foreign Affairs, opposing attempts by Islamic States to make defamation of religion a crime at UN level, 2009: “We believe that the concept of defamation of religion is not consistent with the promotion and protection of human rights. It can be used to justify arbitrary limitations on, or the denial of, freedom of expression. Indeed, Ireland considers that freedom of expression is a key and inherent element in the manifestation of freedom of thought and conscience and as such is complementary to freedom of religion or belief.” Just months after Minister Martin made this comment, his colleague Dermot Ahern introduced Ireland’s new blasphemy law.