by Thomas Keister

I know I have a tendency to rag on the United Kingdom, notably Britain, for their nanny state shenanigans, but in the interest of fairness (NOT to be confused with the Fairness Doctrine or whatever in the name of damn some cable network terms "fair and balanced"), I gots to jump all over some real stupid low forehead mouth-breathin' motherfuckers over in New Hampshire.

Remember the idiot chick in Kentucky who was convinced to strip off some clothing, at her job (a McDonald's), OVER THE FUCKING PHONE?!?!?!? Yeah, of course you do. It made national headlines, and somehow, this chick cashed out in a lawsuit. Amazing how the dumbasses are getting rich a hell of a lot quicker than I am. Then again, I used to convince people with equally more money than sense to waste that disposable income on XM satellite radio, so I can't totally underestimate the use of the phone to get over on the lower percentile IQ crowd.

But anyhow, on to New Hampshire, where this time, the dumbasses in question weren't toiling away sub-living wage style at some Golden Arches, but at a KFC. The prank call this time led to the intrepid staff testing the fire supression system. Yeah, nothing like getting covered in fire-retardant chemicals...that's a good prank. If you buy every fucking thing you hear on the phone, you fucking dolt.

Long story shorter...the idiots set off the fire extinguisher system, then they are standing there, covered in what the hell ever, and then the brainchild on the other end of the phone tells the staff to urinate on each other. How marvelous and rare, the sense of humor that can combine the subtlety of pulling the high school fire alarm and a golden shower.

As one can imagine, after getting told to piss on each other, the employees figured out something was afoot. After all, management usually handles the urination on employees every two weeks on payday. Calling the cops, the employees were found disrobed in the parking lot. In all, two idiots and two police officers were treated for exposure to the chemicals, with a third KFC employee refusing treatment, figuring they would rather take their chances with the chemicals than the massive embarassment being that damn stupid must cause.

Authorities are investigating the matter as a criminal offense, and the restaurant remains closed at present until health officials determined the location was safe to re-open. Not that I am a giant fan of KFC, but if you find your way to Manchester, New Hampshire, steer thee clear of the KFC on Hooksett Road. They ain't smart enough to handle food for the public, as recent events have indicated...

by ppdingles

So with only $12 until payday, I decided to take advantage of Subway's $5 footlongs. That's when it came upon me. Some hard wannabe gangsta working behind the counter. He was wearing his Subway visor crooked and to the left. First off slacker your not hard, your not ganagsta and your wearing a Subway visor you fucking loser.

Second he kept looking over by the door as if he was afraid somebody was going to hit on his boyfriend and he would have to pound his pud alone tonight.

Dude, real gangsters would fuck you in the ass and you would love it. Do you think for a few hours, while on the clock, you could stop being and looking like a complete douchebag and make my fucking sandwhich.

So with a shake of my head and a warm toasty sub I left the homo to look hard and ignorant all at the same time.

Come join us live tonight for an all-new Probably Uncalled For, as we'll be discussing William Shatner talking about a career move into politics, marijuana sayin' don't call it a comeback, the Razzie Awards this last weekend callin' out the absolute worst in Hollywood, and the latest unbelieveable dumbassery from Citibank, among other topics to be determined.

8pm Eastern/5pm Pacific
phone lines and chat room open the duration of the broadcast

Log on to Probably Uncalled For for this and an archive of all our previous episodes 

by Thomas Keister

Not all that interested in the Oscars this year, as Mickey Rourke was shafted. Yeah, I get the whole Ben Stiller making fun of Joaquin Phoenix's silly ass, and the impassioned speeches by Sean Penn and what's-his-face for their wins for Milk, but yeah, no pun intended, Mickey Rourke was shafted by Harvey Milk.

Me? I like most any kind of movie. Oscar-worthy, late-night cable-worthy, barely worthy...I can usually get into one. My great love are the bad flicks. The ones Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have jumped on, and upward in quality from there. I once called off work for a day because I stayed up too late watching Sgt. Kabukiman: NYPD...what does that tell you? So the day before the Oscars was my day. The day the Razzie Awards are handed out. Usually, I manage to avoid any of the nominees, but I like seeing who laid the turd cinematic this year, as only the Razzies can judge.

But wait? You said you like most any kind of movie, especially bad ones. What gives?

Fair question, faithful reader. Glad you have kept up thus far. While I absolutely enjoy a bad movie, the nominees normally connected with the Razzies fall into the fateful category of "annoyance," those having certain characteristics, including, but not limited to:

-having some just North of Disney teeny-bopper cookie cutter bullshit single as the main point of annoyance. If that overprocessed piece of crap is the signature of your marketing campaign, you are obviously targeting tweeners, teenagers, and the guys Chris Hanson busts on Dateline. They put a knob on the radio for a reason, and that reason is Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, and the like.

-having someone who grates on my nerves like chewing on freakin tinfoil. See Hannah Montana, Olsen twins, Dane Cook, Kate Hudson, etc. Kate Hudson once said in an interview that she cannot watch her movies. My thought? That line starts to the left sister...Dane Cook? I guess it's easy for him to memorize lines since he lifts huge amounts of material from other comics, but still...epic douche. Like if Led Zeppelin made songs about douchebags, Dane Cook would be a concept album. There are bad movies, and then there are movies that are bad for a reason.

-the same old story, that I couldn't give two shits and a fuck about. Yeah, I hear you. It's a real original argument to call out Hollywood and the rest of the film world for lack of originality from time to time (most of the time),  but Jeebus H. Damn already. Just like there are only so many takes on the zombie movie, there are only so many takes on the chick flick. If you stacked up every Harlequin romance paperback and every chick flick DVD next to each other, you would have something like seven stories. Total. That's it.

Mike Myers, who seems to have figured out the proper vector on his tailspin away from funny, picked up a hat trick of awards, appropriately enough, for The Love Guru, taking home Worst Picture, Worst Actor, and Worst Screenplay. You know what they say, Mike...when you're on top, you're on top, but when you're at the bottom, at least be the best of the worst. Well, I guess you know it now. And this better not be an excuse to inflict "So I Married ANOTHER Axe Murderer" on us.

Paris Hilton, the undisputed dizzyweight champion of movies famous for no one going to see them, racked up three awards herself: Worst Actress ("The Hottie and The Nottie"), along with Worst Supporting Actress (cause when it comes to suck, Ms. Hilton is, ahem, versatile?), AND Screen Couple for "Repo! The Genetic Opera", with either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore. That the line "Award-winning actress" can now be included on Hilton's bruised knee resume may be, other than the Obama administration's refusal thus far to investigate the Bush administration's criminal acts, the true outrage of the year. Hmmm...Red Sox win World Series, Hilton wins acting award...crap, that's two signs of the apocalypse down...

Pierce Brosan nabbed Worst Supporting Actor for "Mamma Mia," showing just how far a fall it can be from playing James Bond (for reference, see Timothy Dalton in "The Beautician and The Beast," with Fran Drescher), and Uwe Boll, the worst director ever willing to lace up gloves and fucking box his critics, won Worst Director, of course, for his trio of rectum-ground drivel: "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," "1968: Tunnel Rats" and "Postal," along with a prestigious Worst Career Achievement award. That's the kind of thing I'm surprised I haven't been granted one of those upon leaving a previous employer. Of course, it wasn't like I was around to accept the award...

Have no idea how to handicap these damn award shows, so I won't bother, especially when the nominees are already just a bit handicapped themselves by way of script, director, or natural God-given lack of talent. Here's to hoping Paris Hilton makes another three or four non-for-profit flicks, so I'll have some fresh amusement next February...

by Inside the Squared Circle

by Inside the Squared Circle

02/16/1924 - Born - Ray Gunkel in Chicago,Illnois
02/16/1987 - Died - Promoter ann Gunkel of cancer at 50
02/17/1939 - Died - Iben Seleem, Charles Halvey in a motor vehicle accident at 27
02/18/1961 - Died - Chick Garibaldi at 46
02/18/1973 - Born - Anthony McMurphy
02/18/1976 - Born - Elvis Elliot
02/18/1989 - Died - Mildred Burke of a stroke at 73
02/18/1993 - Died - Kerry Von Erich of a suicide shooting at 33
02/18/1995 - Died - Eddie Gilbert of a heart attack at 33
02/19/1941 - Born - Dory Funk, Jr.
02/19/1968 - Died - George Hackenschmidt at 90
02/19/1971 - Born - Romeo Bliss
02/19/1974 - Born - Danny Doring
02/19/1975 - Born - Adrian Lynch
02/19/1979 - Born - O.G. Scarface
02/19/1992 - Died - Tojo Yamamoto by suicide shooting at 65
02/20/1943 - Born - Antonio Inoki
02/20/1969 - Born - Atlas Riviera
02/20/1975 - Died - Bobby Shane in an airplane crash at 29
02/20/1969 - Born - Gedo
02/20/2002 - Died - Swede Hanson of Alzheimer's disease at 68
02/20/2003 - Died - Tony Altomare of a heart attack at 74
02/22/1971 - Born - Coyote

by Inside the Squared Circle

02/16/1996 - Death & Destruction defeated The Beautiful Blonds (Eddie Golden & Stan Lee) for the SSW Tag Team title
02/16/1997 - Event - IYH: Final Four, UTC Arena, Chattanooga, TN
02/16/1997 - Bret Hart defeated Steve Austin, Vader and the Undertaker for the WWF Heavyweight title
02/16/1998 - Rick Martel defeated Booker T for the WCW Television title
02/16/2000 - Rico Constantino defeated Flash Flanagan for the Ohio Valley Heavyweight title
02/16/2002 - The Hit Squad defeated The Boogie Knights for the USA Pro-Wrestling Tag Team Titles
02/16/2002 - Xavier defeated Little Guido for the USA Pro-Wrestling U.S. Heavyweight Title
02/17/1995 - Eddie Bruiser & Danny Christian defeated Beau James & The War Machine for the SSW Tag Team title
02/17/1996 - Lex Luger defeated Johnny B. Badd for the WCW Television title
02/17/1996 - PG-13 defeated Jesse James Armstrong & Tracey Smothers for the USWA Tag Team title
02/17/1997 - Psycho Sid defeated Bret Hart for the WWF Heavyweight title
02/17/1997 - Prince Iaukea defeated Steven Regal for the WCW Television title
02/17/1998 - Randy Macho Man Savage received Harvard Lampoon's Real Man of the Year Award
02/17/2000 - Flash Flanagan defeated Rico Constantino for the Ohio Valley Heavyweight title
02/17/2001 - Steve Blackman defeated Raven for the WWF Hardcore title
02/17/2001 - Raven defeated Steve Blackman for the WWF Hardcore title
02/17/2002 - Event - No Way Out, Bradley Center, Milwaukee, WI
02/17/2002 - Hollywood Hogan, Kevin Nash & Scott Hall re-form the nWo in the WWF
02/18/1984 - Brad Armstrong defeated Ted diBiase for the Georgia National Heavyweight title
02/18/1985 - Lelani Kai defeated Wendi Richter for the WWF Women's title
02/18/1994 - The Rock n' Roll Express defeated the Heavenly Bodies for the Smokey Mountain Tag Team title
02/18/1996 - Event - In Your House VI, Louisville Gardens, Louisville, KY
02/18/1996 - Johny B. Badd defeated Lex Luger for the WCW Television title
02/18/2001 - Event - Superbrawl Revenge, Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, TN
02/18/2001 - Steve Blackman defeated Raven for the WWF Hardcore title
02/18/2001 - Raven defeated Steve Blackman for the WWF Hardcore title
02/18/2001 - Balls Mahoney defeated Tommy Cairo for the USA Pro-Wrestling Heavyweight Title
02/18/2001 - Psycho Sam Dudley & Big Dick Dudley defeated The Boogie Knights for the USA Pro-Wrestling Tag Team Titles
02/19/1942 - Bill Longson defeated Sandor Szabo for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/19/1943 - Bill Longson defeated Bobby Managoff for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/19/1986 - The Cuban Assassan defeated Kendall Windham for the Florida State Heavyweight title
02/19/1994 - The Heavenly Bodies defeated the Rock n' Roll Express for the Smokey Mountain Tag Team title
02/19/1995 - Event - SuperBrawl V, Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, MD
02/19/2000 - Shark Boy defeated Matt Stryker for the HWA Cruiserweight Title
02/19/2000 - "Surfer" Cody Hawk & "Taxi Driver" Mad Anthony McMurphy defeated Alexis Machine & Suicido & GQ Masters, III for the HWA Tag Team Title
02/19/2002 - Billy Gunn & Chuck Palumbo defeated Spike Dudley & Tazz for the WWF Tag Team title
02/19/2003 - Nick Dinsmore defeated The Damaja for the Ohio Valley Heavyweight title
02/20/1928 - Ed Strangler Lewis defeated Joe Stecher for the World's Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/20/1933 - Jim Browning defeated Ed Strangler Lewis for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/20/1978 - Bob Backlund defeated Superstar Billy Graham for the WWWF Heavyweight title
02/20/1989 - Event - Chi-Town Rumble, UIC Pavilion, Chicago, IL
02/20/1989 - Ricky Steamboat defeated Ric Flair for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/20/1989 - Lex Luger defeated Barry Windham for the NWA U.S. Heavyweight title
02/20/1989 - Mike Rotundo defeated Rick Steiner for the NWA Television title
02/20/1994 - Event - SuperBrawl IV, Civic Center, Albany, GA
02/20/2000 - Event - Superbrawl, Cow Palace, San Francisco, CA
02/20/2000 - The Artist defeated Lash LaRoux in a tournament final for the WCW Cruiserweight title
02/20/2000 - Brian Knobbs defeated Bam Bam Bigelow for the WCW Hardcore title
02/20/2002 - The Prototype defeated Leviathan for the Ohio Valley Heavyweight title
02/21/1928 - Ed "Strangler" Lewis defeated Joe Stecher for the World Heavyweight title
02/21/1947 - Whipper Billy Watson defeated Bill Longson for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/21/1966 - Johnny Valentine & Antonio Pugliese defeated Dan & Dr. Bill Miller for the WWWF Tag Team title
02/21/1975 - Harley Race defeated Dory Funk, Jr. for the Missouri State Heavyweight title
02/21/1993 - Event - SuperBrawl III, Civic Center, Asheville, NC
02/21/1993 - Barry Windham defeated the Great Muta for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/21/1994 - Doug Gilbert defeated Brian Christopher for the USWA Southern Heavyweight title
02/21/1997 - Beau James & The War Machine defeated Danny Christian & Johnny Thunder for the SSW Tag Team title
02/21/1998 - Mabel defeated Wolfie D for the Music City North American Heavyweight title
02/21/1998 - Ladies Night Out defeated the Tennessee Volunteers for the Music City Southern Tag Team title
02/21/1999 - Event - Superbrawl, Arena, Oakland, CA
02/21/1999 - Curt Hennig & Barry Windham defeated Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko for the WCW Tag Team title
02/21/1999 - Scott Hall defeated Roddy Piper for the WCW US Heavyweight title
01/21/2001 - Wife Beater defeated Nate Hatred for the Combat Zone World Ironman Title
02/22/1981 - Ray Stevens & Ivan Koloff defeated Paul Jones & Masked Superstar for the NWA World Tag Team title
02/22/1984 - Jumbo Tsuruta defeated Nick Bockwinkel for the AWA Heavyweight title
02/22/1993 - The Moondogs defeated Ron & Don Harris for the USWA Tag Team title
02/22/1997 - Event - Super 8 Tournament, St. Matthews Parrish Hall, Wilmington, DE
02/22/1997 - K.C. Thunder won a one-night tournament for the SCW North Carolina Heavyweight title
02/22/1997 - Iceman Chris Cannon defeated Preston Quinn for the SCW Light Heavyweight title
02/22/1998 - Event - Superbrawl VIII, Cow Palace, San Francisco, CA
02/22/1998 - Sting defeated Hollywood Hogan for the vacant WCW World Heavyweight title
02/22/1998 - Scott Hall & Kevin Nash defeated the Steiners for the WCW Tag title
02/22/1998 - Booker T defeated Rick Martel for the WCW Television title
02/22/2000 - Crash Holly defeated Test for the WWF Hardcore title
02/22/2003 - Mafia defeated Homicide for the Jersey All Pro Heavyweight Title

by ppdingles

Usually these ads have hot women in them but this one was the exception.

This is what we call a Rough Trick. This is what happens when you wait until closing time to decide what you want to take home from the bar.

Need a Girlfriend?....Thanks but no thanks, I think I will pass on this one.

by Inside the Squared Circle

02/09/1937 - Died - Farmer Burns at 75
02/09/1964 - Born - Medusa/Alundra Blaze
02/09/1970 - Born - Scott Sterling
02/10/1955 - Born - Gentleman Chris Adams
02/10/1971 - Born - Victoria
02/10/1984 - Died - David Von Erich of acute enteritis at 25
02/10/2003 - Died - Mr. Perfect, Curt Hennig of a drug overdose at 44
02/12/1960 - Born - One Man Gang AKA Akeem
02/12/1973 - Born - K-Kwik
02/13/1971 - Born - Stan Sierra
02/14/1948 - Born - Big John Studd
02/14/1965 - Born - Ken Shamrock
02/14/1968 - Born - Tommy Dreamer
02/15/1977 - Born - Gran Naniwa
02/15/1990 - Died - Promoter Mark Tendler in a shooting incident at 55
02/15/1998 - Died - Louie Spicolli of a drug overdose at 27

by Inside the Squared Circle

02/09/1933 - Ed Don George defeated Henry DeGlane for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/09/1964 - Verne Gagne & Moose Evans defeated Crusher & Dick the Bruiser for the AWA Tag Team title
02/09/1997 - Spellbinder defeated Brian Christopher for the USWA Southern Heavyweight title
02/09/1998 - The Steiners defeated Scott Hall & Kevin Nash for the WCW Tag title
02/09/1999 - Jason Lee defeated American Eagle and Chris Alexander in a triangle match for the new Ohio Valley Light Heavyweight title
02/10/1973 - Terry Funk defeated Johnny Valentine for the Missouri State Heavyweight title
02/10/1990 - Mr. Saito defeated Larry Zbyszko for the AWA Heavyweight title
02/10/2001 - Hardcore Holly pinned Steve Blackman to defeat Raven & Blackman in a 3-Way for the WWF Hardcore title
02/10/2001 - Raven defeated Hardcore Holly for the WWF Hardcore title
02/10/2001 - Lobo defeated Wife Beater & Lord Everett Devoe in a three-way match for the Combat Zone World Ironman Title
02/11/1938 - Steve Crusher Casey defeated Lou thesz for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/11/1969 - Dory Funk, Jr. defeated Gene Kiniski for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
02/11/1984 - Tito Santana defeated Magnificent Muraco for the WWWF Intercontinental title
02/11/1996 - Event - SuperBrawl VI, Bayfront Center, St. Petersburg, FL
02/11/1996 - Ric Flair defeated Randy Savage for the WCW Heavyweight title
02/11/2001 - Hardcore Holly defeated Raven, Steve Blackman, and Al Snow for the WWF Hardcore title
02/11/2001 - Al Snow defeated Hardcore Holly for the WWF Hardcore title
02/11/2001 - Raven defeated Al Snow for the WWF Hardcore title
02/12/1978 - Ted DiBiase defeated Dick Slater for the Missouri State Heavyweight title
02/12/1985 - Jesse Barr defeated Brian Blair for the Florida State Heavyweight title
02/12/1990 - Rex King & Steve Doll defeated Robert Fuller & Brian Lee for the USWA Tag Team title
02/12/2000 - Don & Ron Harris defeated Big Vito & Johnny the Bull for the WCW Tag Team title
02/12/2000 - The Haas Brothers defeated Johnny Kashmere & Robby Mireno, The Thrill Kill Kult, & The Hit Squad in a four way match for the Combat Zone Wrestling Tag Team Titles
02/13/1959 - Dory Dixon defeated Al Kashey for the EMLL NWA Light Heavyweight title
02/13/1962 - Bob Geigel & Stan Kowalski defeated Larry Hennig & Duke Hoffman for the AWA Tag Team title
02/13/1989 - Event - Clash of the Champions V
02/13/1994 - Tony Anthony defeated Brian Lee for the Smokey Mountain Heavyweight title
02/13/1997 - Rocky Maivia defeated Hunter Hearst Helmsley for the WWF Intercontinental title
02/13/1997 - Shawn Michaels surrendered the WWF Heavyweight title due to knee injury
02/13/1999 - Quicksilver defeated The Sensational One for the Combat Zone World Light-Heavyweight Title
02/13/1999 - Lobo Derek defeated Domino for the Combat Zone World Ironman Title
02/13/1999 - The Brothers of East LA defeated Jon Dahmer & Jose Rivera, Jr. for the Combat Zone Wrestling Tag Team Titles
02/13/2000 - Big Vito & Johnny the Bull defeated Don & Ron Harris for the WCW Tag Team title
02/13/2001 - Shelton Benjamin & Brock Lesnar defeated BJ Payne & Damien for the Ohio Valley Southern Heavyweight Tag Title
02/13/2002 - Chad Collyer defeated Shannon Moore for the HWA Cruiserweight Title
02/13/2002 - Lance Cade & Mike Sanders defeated The Island Boys for the HWA Tag Team Title
02/14/1986 - Jake Roberts defeated Dick Slater for the Mid-South North American Heavyweight title
02/14/1994 - Eddie Gilbert defeated Jerry Lawler for the USWA Unified Heavyweight title
02/14/1994 - Brian Christopher defeated Doug Gilbert for the USWA Southern Heavyweight title
02/14/1996 - Brian Christopher defeated Tommy Rich for the USWA Southern Heavyweight title
02/14/1996 - Jesse James Armstrong & Tracey Smothers defeated PG-13 for the USWA Tag Team title
02/14/1999 - Event - St. Valentine's Massacre, The Pyramid, Memphis, TN
02/14/1999 - Val Venis defeated Ken Shamrock for the WWF Intercontinental title
02/14/1999 - Bob Holly defeated Al Snow for the WWF Hardcore title
02/14/2001 - Randy Orton defeated Mr. Black for the Ohio Valley Hardcore title
02/15/1993 - Ron & Don Harris defeated the Moondogs for the USWA Tag Team title
02/15/1998 - Event - IYH: No Way Out, Compaq Center, Houston, TX
02/15/1999 - The Rock defeated Mankind for the WWF Heavyweight title
02/15/1999 - Shane McMahon defeated X-Pac for the WWF European Heavyweight title
02/15/2003 - Cody Hawk & Chet Jablonski defeated Rory Fox & Matt Stryker for the Heartland Wrestling Association Tag Team Titles