 by Thomas Keister To clarify, I am not what you could call a giant fan of tennis. I have played on occasion (although not in probably the last ten or eleven years), and once upon various times dated chicks who looked really good when they pulled on a tennis skirt. To further clarify, probably the only thing left that I like about tennis is hot tennis chicks. With that said, this is Simona Halep, a professional tennis player from Romania. Yeah, I hear ya. Nice. Halep, a 17-year old Wimbledon hopeful currently checking in at #317th in the world, recently set off a storm of attention when she announced she is going to undergo breast reduction surgery. Apparently, the 34DD rack she's sportin' on the court has made it difficult at times to remain at the top of her game. "The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play." That has every bit of potential to be a major understatement. I'm sure quite a few men, and some of the ladies, to be fair, get just a bit "uncomfortable" when Halep is running back and forth in the course of a match.  The reaction has been swift from her fans, as they have crowded around each other to sign an online petition to help "Save Simona Halep's Boobs." I haven't checked yet, but I would be surprised if there wasn't already a Facebook group dedicated to this, uh...cause. (upon checking, the largest of the groups sports 1,019 members). It'll be a shame to see them go, more or less. I'm not going to fault Halep for her decision, as I'm sure the stress on her back during a match speaks for itself, but still...total damn shame. I mean, the least she could have done is waited until she turned eighteen and posed for Hef, something that could have benefited all of mankind (and some of womankind, to be fair). Time, things, and people change. Can't stop it. Hell, they tore down the House Babe Built, and replaced it with an overpriced temple to mediocrity. One of Halep's fans decried this as a "crime against nature." Fair enough, but sometimes, buddy, even crime can be necessary. At least we'll always have these pics to remember them by... It's not entertainment, it's just Saturday 05/30/2009
 by Thomas Keister Looks like the original Black Sabbath reunion has run its course, people. Ozzy Osbourne has filed lawsuit against Tony Iommi over royalty payments, and is seeking a half-ownership of the band's trademark, among other things. Guess that is the next logical chapter for a band that has been around in one form or another for over forty years. Can't wait for somebody to parody up these kind of situations, Spinal Tap-style. Iommi, who registered the trademark in the United States in 2000, said Osbourne surrendered his rights to the Black Sabbath name in the 1980s. Osbourne said his ultimate goal is for all four original members to have an equal share in a statement released Friday, which also asked Iommi to "do the right thing," which is presumably NOT releasing another mediocre album with Ronnie James Dio on vocals...  I know what you may be thinking when checking out this picture. No, attention whoring is not illegal...yet...so Angelina Jolie is not being arrested for real. Apparently, this has something to do with her latest film, the action flick Salt. According to recent reports on RadarOnline.com, Jolie suffered a minor cut on her forehead and a "slight" concussion. Yeah, it would have to be slight. Upon reading this, I found myself wondering if I owe someone five bucks or something. I mean, even a "slight" concussion means there is just enough grey matter in that skull to be medically detectable. Damn...  Like you couldn't have seen this one coming. Nadya Suleman (best picture we could find at left), whose unfettered lust for fame may not, in fact, know any boundaries, has finally managed to sign a deal to get her own damn reality show. Of course she fucking did. Why the hell else would her stupid ass crank out children like Uwe Boll cranks out shit movies? No one was hiring an Angelina Jolie knock-off (and not even a very good one, for starters), she wasn't going to pole dance anymore, cause supporting single mothers be damned, there ain't anyone out there, not even in the deepest and darkest realms of fetishes and sick obsessions, willing to cram a hard-earned dollar bill into the g-string of some chick with fourteen children (and every extra conceivable ounce of baggage you would imagine would go with that) and stretch marks that would probably drive Vincent Price to crystal meth. So now we're gonna get subjected to that hot mess. Because you know, even if you don't watch it, odds are you know some real stupid motherfucker who will. Not to trash on my own people, but I can probably think of at least two people I know who would probably check it out. Let's hope this concept wears out faster than her uterus did.  by Thomas Keister Nothing like a clown crying, I always say. Found this running amok online while watching WWE Smackdown! tonight, and promptly cracked the hell up. The photo, snapped by Marshall Gorby of the Springfield (Ohio) News-Sun, shows members of the Antioch Shrine Funster Clown Unit giving what the paper calls the "highest honor a deceased clown can ever receive," by acting as pallbearers in full clown dress for Norman "Boppo" Thompson, a life member of the unit, at his funeral earlier today. Don't get me wrong, people. It seems to be a heartfelt send-off for a colleague, but tell me you didn't initially snicker a bit when you saw this. You didn't? You're a lying motherfucker, but it's okay. I forgive you. I have other unanswered questions as well, after checking out this story. It is a unique story, I grant you, but the slideshow on this had 25 pictures. 25 pictures?!? What the hell, was Boppo the first clown off the boat at Normandy or something? Is there really that damn little going on in Springfield, Ohio and the surrounding areas? When the hearse arrived at the cemetery, did all of the clowns pile out, one after another? Not to mention the potential trauma if some little kid were to see that and freak out. Can you imagine the mental association of clowns taking a body to put in the cold, cold ground? That's a real fat therapy bill on down the line... At any rate, farewell, Boppo. Someone will have some big shoes to fill, unless they buried you in them, in which case I have one last question. How hard was it to get the lid closed? by ppdingles  An Oregon man spent Memorial Day in jail after dialing 911 to complain that a McDonald's worker was rude and didn't give him an orange juice he ordered. Raibin Osman was accused of improper use of the emergency telephone number. The Oregonian newspaper reports that the 20-year-old bailed out of the Washington County Jail on Tuesday and could not be reached for comment. I believe that there should be a emergency service we could call every time McDonald's screws up an order but of course the phone would never stop ringing. They are the only place where you order a Big Mac, Regular Fries and a Large Coke and end up with a McRib,Tator Tots and a cup of Ice. Now I know to work there doesn't require much on your part as far as intelligence goes but as least get my damn Orange Juice right! But wait there's more. A McDonald's employee also called 911 during the incident to complain that Osman and the people with him were blocking the drive-thru lane and knocking on the restaurant windows. How many extremely fat ass burger lovers got pissed about this? Lot's I tell you. Having their artery clogging drive-thru to heaven blocked by an angry schmuck just wanting some GOD DAMN OJ!!! The Week in Fail. 05/28/2009
 International Winner - The guy driving the hearse in Bogota, Colombia who held up a family waiting at the cemetery because he had stopped for a beer on the way. To further complicate matters, he never did make it to the funeral, and the hearse was found in a motel parking lot. That would be the best 'Reason for leaving' answer ever on a job application: "Took body to the club instead of the funeral."  Domestic Winner- Drew Peterson, the current biggest douchebag on the planet (sorry Ashton Kutcher). From jail yesterday, the former cop charged with the murder of his third wife, and suspected in the disappearance of his fourth wife, called up Mancow and Cassidy on WLS Radio. The seven-minute collect call featured Peterson trying out his "funniest alledged murderer in the county lock-up" bit, in which he offered his version of a MasterCard commercial and offered a "win a conjugal visit with Drew" contest. I thought you only got one phone call in the joint, and how in the hell are they going to allow him to call a fucking morning show, at any rate? While Peterson denies everything stacking up against him, he hardly acts like an innocent guy, more like the guy who thinks he's gonna be able to make money on this shit some day, you know, while he's out looking for the "real killer." Douchebag.  Honorable Mention - Tori Spelling. WTF? Not like she was ever really "hot" to begin with, but seriously, What. The. Fuck? She looks like she got hit with a dump truck full of what the fuck?! There is no telethon for whatever the damn it is that's wrong with her, but I can tell you a cure real quick. It's called clothes, lots of them. She looks like a broken lightbulb with a blow up doll wrapped about it. If this were 200 years ago, people would be shouting "plague!" or "kill it with fire!"  Come join Dr. Thomas Keister and ppdingles tonight, as Probably Uncalled For continues the march towards its 100th Episode!!! This week, we will discuss the impending "Passion of Roland Burris" as he tries to get reelected to the Senate, the baddest-ass politician in all of Canada, great moments in print and film entertainment, and much more!!! Phone lines and chat room open the duration of the broadcast!!! 8pm Eastern-5pm Pacific live on Blog Talk Radio! Click the picture to go to the live broadcast! Wrestling Milestones. May 26th - June 1st 05/26/2009
by Inside the Squared Circle
by Inside the Squared Circle
Seriously? The Oprah Effect? 05/26/2009
 by Thomas Keister Somehow, I knew it would come to this eventually. Thursday night CNBC will air a special called The Oprah Effect, covering the madness surrounding trying to get a plug from Oprah on her show. Not that the concept didn't at least sound interesting to me, as I'm sure a lot of people are curious about the influence Oprah Winfrey wields, and how that can equal success for retailers, authors, vaguely qualified talking head types, and so forth. What bugs me is how rabid the movement can be, on both sides of the fence. Jennifer Armstrong, who wrote about the upcoming special for Entertainment Weekly's PopWatch, admitted herself to having been driven to buy a plain white t-shirt for fifty-six dollars. You read that right. $56. For a plain white t-shirt. Outfreakin'rageous. And to think, I strain to keep the prices of the t-shirts here on FreeReinMedia.com at around $20. Twenty bucks for a t-shirt makes sense, especially when one of the shirts is one of our marvelously funny shirts available now, as we speak, right here on the very website you are reading. Fifty-six bucks for a plain white shirt is absolutely galling unless you are wearing a tuxedo wrapped around it. And people are flocking to buy stuff based on the word of a woman who has touted at least two books that turned out to have substantial amounts of bullshit in between the covers. While I can not say I am a fan of Oprah's show, or magazines, or radio shows, or whatever it is she's enthusiastic about this week, but given the results, I almost have to count myself among the crowd of those who would pawn their left testicle (or ovary, to be fair) to get such an endorsement. Of course, the odds of Oprah endorsing anything I write, create, say on my radio show, etc. are roughly that of Paris Hilton winning an Oscar for another sex tape, but hey, if you are going to daydream about Oprah, this seems the safest way to do so...just save that $56 bucks and click on the 'Merchandise' button right at the top of this screen... by Thomas Keister | Sign up to know when this page is updated.
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