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by Thomas Keister

I can't say much about the journalist quitting her job on the air from boredom due to a "slow news day." I have actually quit a job before from sheer unadulterated soul-sucking boredom, but quitting over a "slow news day?" There are bloggers who make six digits a year somehow obsessing over the cuts of meat used in Lady Gaga's dress full of uncooked skank, so can there ever really be such a thing as a slow news day? Fuck, I'd settle for 50 grand just to write the shit I write now:

SLOW NEWS DAY?

I have never understood the fascination with exercise videos, at least in a sexual manner. It's as titilating as the freakin' bra ads in a JC Penney circular, so the merging of exercise routines with pole dancing, as evidenced by the upcoming 2010 Miss Pole Dance Canada competition is just another harbinger of doom. No g-strings? No nudity? No "provocative gestures?" You know what, Canada...maybe you should just stick to curling and trying to figure out how to get a Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup. This pushes pole dancing to the realm of possibility for desperate housewife wannabes. It was already bad enough they thought it was a good idea to go grocery shopping in pajama bottoms, now some 225 gallon barrel of gravy thinks she's gonna be able to rock the pole? Not that it isn't possible, just not a good mental picture:

NOT A POLE DANCE, BUT A LIE...

Not even going to pretend to be surprised by this story. I mean, who the hell can take half the regulatory bodies in China seriously? Not even ten years ago, there was a news story about two villages in a dispute because one thought the other was stealing their clouds. This is how they run their meteorology, how can you act shocked that the air safety in China is as reliable as any other kind of safety in China?:

CHINESE AIRLINE DRILL?

Found myself both intrigued and amused by the Top 100 Cities for sexual activity. I thought it was funny that both Lexington and Louisville, Kentucky finished higher than New York City. Guess getting lucky in Kentucky ain't no bullshit, at least on a per capita basis. Side note #1: I am waiting to see if Lexington making it as high as they did on the list is somehow related to University of Kentucky coach John Calipari, and whether or not they can expect some
sort of NCAA sanction. Side note #2: I kind of wonder if University of Louisville coach Rick Pitino's 15 second trist in an Italian restaurant is what dragged Louisville down in the rankings:

LOVE AMERICAN STYLE

They say youth is wasted on the young...I have been several different varieties of drunk in the past, including nail an ugly chick drunk, nail a fat chick drunk, and stupid second marriage drunk, but somehow, through it all, I never made it to the point I drunk emailed the President of a foriegn country, as a British teenager recently did. I guess now I gotta raise the bar and drunk email the President of the Republic of Djibouti, Ismail Omar Guelleh. Let you know how that works out, once I get his email address and all:

GOOD THING HE DIDN'T HIT 'REPLY ALL'

Don't forget to join us every Wednesday night, 11pm Eastern/8pm Pacific for all new live episodes of Probably Uncalled For.

Come join Dr. Thomas Keister and "The Internet Legend" ppdingles this week for an all-new episode of the award-nominated universal talk radio monster - Probably Uncalled For! It's why talk radio was invented! Topics to include the idiot that wants to burn Qurans, the book that OUGHTA be burning right now, a tea party candidate with a stance you have to hear to believe, and an all-new Dumb Import, along with other various castastrophies and freakshows along the way. Phones 646-478-5145 and chat room open the duration of the broadcast. Don't get separated from the tour - find out what the smart people are listening to on Wednesday nights, LIVE as always on Blog Talk Radio! Rated Mature for adult language and content: discretion is advised.

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by ppdingles

From WonderWall

Paris Hilton has been banned from the Las Vegas Wynn resort where she was allegedly caught in possession of cocaine last week. The socialite and her boyfriend Cy Waits were driving along Sin City's famous Strip when their car was pulled over by cops, who chose to search the vehicle after allegedly smelling marijuana coming from the vehicle.

Waits was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and Hilton asked police to escort her into the nearby Wynn resort, so she could relieve herself.

Suspicious police officers insisted the celebrity place her purse on a table in a security room, prompting Hilton to ask if she could retrieve her lip balm.

Lt. Dennis Flynn of the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department says, "As she began to open it, I saw a small (stash) of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggy begin to fall from the purse and into my hand."

Hilton told the officer the cocaine was not hers and she thought it was gum.

She was subsequently detained under suspicion of cocaine possession.

And now Wynn spokeswoman Jennifer Dunne insists the hotel heiress will no longer be permitted inside Wynn Las Vegas properties.

The ban comes days after nightclub boss Waits was reportedly fired from his job as managing partner of the Tryst Nightclub at Wynn and XS The Nightclub at Encore, another Wynn resort.

Hilton faces up to four years in prison and a $5,000fine after prosecutors in Clark County, Nevada charged her with felony possession of a controlled substance on Tuesday.

The socialite will return to Las Vegas on Oct. 27 for arraignment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, they don't get much more dumber than this.  She thought the cocaine was gum. Her boundaries of dumb have no limits. Plus this comes after she denied pot allegations from Europe.

In the end she won't serve jail time(once again)and will more than likely get a slap on the wrist and a small fine. Also I'm sure the people at the Wynn will life the ban once they need some good skank to help boost attendance at their nightclubs.  Once again the system will fail us but until it does, join me in a hearty laugh won't you!