by Thomas Keister

When I first read of the latest efforts by anti-drug campaign Above the Influence to try and sell America on a marijuana-free lifestyle, I was reminded of the classic Lloyd Bridges moment from Airplane!, in which his character laments that it may have been the wrong week to stop smoking.

The funny part is, I actually did stop smoking this week. Had a hypnotherapy session this last Monday, and I have yet to smoke a cigarette since. I'm not going to say I haven't craved one once or twice, but all in all, I'm doing okay. The one thing I haven't done, nor will do in the foreseeable future, is quit smoking marijuana. Commercials have played absolutely no part in either of these decisions.

The decision to quit smoking was basically aggravation in part to President Obama's sideways lie that he was not going to raise taxes on most Americans. Thanks to that (just one of many reasons people are going to regret soon enough electing yet another soundbite President), the price of cigarettes and tobacco has shot through the roof.

Thank goodness for that. God knows the last thing we all wanted during this economic downturn was for small business to flourish. I personally know of one small smoke shop that had just relocated one door over to a bigger space right before the tax increase. I'm sure they are appreciative for the kneecapping their business just took, what with hiring a couple more employees and renovating and all that. The place looked nice as hell, even though I was only able to make two purchases there before the shot to my wallet meant saying goodbye to the habit altogether. Wonder how much longer the place is going to be open.

But, it was a fair enough move, when you really think about it. It was the only real way that anybody could come up with to make me even want to quit smoking tobacco, and the only way the U.S. government will be able to get me to stop smoking weed is to legalize it and then tax it the hell out of my price range, and even then, I wouldn't go all in on the betting. What the hell else will they be able to do, once they get their way, and nobody smokes, and we are all healthy as fucking horses trying to figure out where all that tax revenue went? Given the fact our President is more worried about "looking forward," whatever in the hell that's supposed to mean, the odds of marijuana getting legalized seem to be as likely as Obama ordering a torture investigation.

Anyhow, onto the commercials. Above the Influence, already notable for employing talking dogs and portraying pot smokers as slightly deflated people stuck on sofas, is trying a new approach, as they are taking it to the gamers themselves. Interesting niche to choose, but a niche nonetheless. The new ads feature characters from the popular MMO World of Warcraft talking about nearly being wiped out by their stoned real-life counterparts. Cute, and about as damn effective as "I didn't inhale," and everyone's all-time useless favorite "Just Say No." I wasn't impressed by Ozzy Osbourne arguing with some faceless director over who the real "Prince of Darkness" is, and this impresses me even less.

The best part is, the ads (print or televised) fail to mention any ties with smoking marijuana and video game skills. Perfect. As a matter of fact, this now impresses me even less than something involving Kelly Osbourne. If this is the best Above the Influence can bring to the table, maybe they should start trying to get people to buy into all this "change someone/anyone can believe" shit. It would probably be a lot more successful, and a hell of a lot less condescending at the same time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go smoke a fat bowl and beat Grand Theft Auto IV (XBox) again.