by Dr. Thomas Keister

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the expression "the screwing you're getting isn't worth the fucking you're taking." Finally, a true contemporary definition for that phrase. It seems there was a happy ending after all in the Wall Street bailout. The only problem, it was apparently the cost of these happy endings that got piled on the tab.

Ain't that something? Now, for generations to come, me, you, your children, my children, all the grandchildren and so forth...we have all now officially paid for a sex act, if the rumors prove to be true. Even worse, we all paid for sex acts and got nothing out of the deal other than weeks of back and forth bullshit leading up to and as we are finding out, well beyond the bailout. If that isn't getting screwed, I don't rightly know what is.

Kristin Davis, the former madam of a high-price call girl outift, sat for an interview with 20/20, which will air later this week in light of her recent book release, claimed to have as clients investment bankers with several top firms, such as JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, and Lehman Brothers, along with media executives, the part-owner of a Major League Baseball franchise, and, predictably enough, former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer. The rub, so to speak, is Davis' assertion that she billed many of these clients to their corporate credit cards.

Yep, because if these so-called masters of the universe used corporate plastic to get a pants-down spanking from a giggly Asian chick in a schoolgirl outfit (who's really a grad student at NYU trying to stay ahead of a student loan), then the big ass bailout done took care of that for them. Davis says she disguised payments for sex as bills for computer consultancy, construction expenses, and other miscellaneous things.

Davis, who was convicted of promoting prostitution and sentenced to time served, also claims to have offered the Manhattan District Attorney's Office evidence against her clients, but the office declined to look into the information. Somewhat predictably, none of the banks mentioned or the Manhattan D.A.'s office commented or responded to a request for comment.

How can anyone even feign surprise at this point? Hell, nothing was done about Citigroup's $400 million deal to name the newly built and already rusting home of the New York Mets, so what's a couple of blowjobs here and there? We have done jack to the companies we gave money to, even though they were building houses of cards while the wind was picking, yet no one has explained how this was supposed to help. I can't possibly be the only person who needs a freakin ibuprofen after reading about this crap for so long. Or a donut pillow, depending on where the pain centralizes.

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