by Thomas Keister

Man, just when I thought needless government legislation on how people live their lives couldn't get any more petty, now comes word of a proposal under consideration by the New Jersey State Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling to ban genital waxing. Yeah, I hear ya. I had to read that twice myself, even after typing it. More to the popular phrasing, New Jersey wants to ban the Brazilian wax. Yeah, I hear ya. What the hell?

Apparently, despite the fact a good portion of the salons in the state have been offering the service for years, genital waxing is illegal. New Jersey allows most anything else to be waxed, but officials say it hasn't been spelled out. Oh, my fault. I thought they were laws once they were written down on something, you know, like paper.

Some salon owners said the proposal would drive people to waxing themselves, going out of state for below the belt gardening, or going to unlicensed salons. That was something I did not expect to learn in my daily quest for news and knowledge, that there is a black market for Brazilian waxes in New Jersey. Outlaw bikini waxer doesn't exactly sound like a title that would earn one much respect in the joint. Maybe steady work, but probably not much respect.

According to a yeshole from the state's Division of Consumer Affairs, the proposal is due to two complaints from women who were injured and hospitalized. Okay, I see where this is going. Out of hundreds, maybe thousands of procedures, probably even more, two people get hurt, so now the logical thing to do is ban it outright? I mean holy damn, are we turning back into Britain here? Worse yet, in a recession, for a state agency to enact a measure that would either drive a service out of the state, or underground, either way removing the tax revenue that service brings in, is irresponsible and more than a little asinine. What, I wonder, would be the amount of money New Jersey loses out on if this goes through? I'm just curious to see what the price tag will be for trying to deprive the men of New Jersey and parts of New York some smooth poonani. Garden State? Garden State, indeed.

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