International Winner - The guy driving the hearse in Bogota, Colombia who held up a family waiting at the cemetery because he had stopped for a beer on the way. To further complicate matters, he never did make it to the funeral, and the hearse was found in a motel parking lot. That would be the best 'Reason for leaving' answer ever on a job application: "Took body to the club instead of the funeral."

Domestic Winner- Drew Peterson, the current biggest douchebag on the planet (sorry Ashton Kutcher). From jail yesterday, the former cop charged with the murder of his third wife, and suspected in the disappearance of his fourth wife, called up Mancow and Cassidy on WLS Radio. The seven-minute collect call featured Peterson trying out his "funniest alledged murderer in the county lock-up" bit, in which he offered his version of a MasterCard commercial and offered a "win a conjugal visit with Drew" contest. I thought you only got one phone call in the joint, and how in the hell are they going to allow him to call a fucking morning show, at any rate? While Peterson denies everything stacking up against him, he hardly acts like an innocent guy, more like the guy who thinks he's gonna be able to make money on this shit some day, you know, while he's out looking for the "real killer." Douchebag.

Honorable Mention - Tori Spelling. WTF? Not like she was ever really "hot" to begin with, but seriously, What. The. Fuck? She looks like she got hit with a dump truck full of what the fuck?! There is no telethon for whatever the damn it is that's wrong with her, but I can tell you a cure real quick. It's called clothes, lots of them. She looks like a broken lightbulb with a blow up doll wrapped about it. If this were 200 years ago, people would be shouting "plague!" or "kill it with fire!"