by Thomas Keister

Yeah, I actually read a newspaper every morning with my first two to four cups of coffee. The Louisville Courier-Journal, to be exact. Not going into specifics, but I usually read the comics second, right after the moron who covers pop culture, but that's a story for a different time. This Beetle Bailey strip ran in the July 14th Feature section. I have to admit I was not prepared for this level of fresh WTF so early in the morning.

Okay, so General Halftrack is looking pretty nervous. Of course, I suppose that's natural and all, seeing as how he is ass up, and a doctor is not warning of discomfort, no sir, he says "This may hurt a little." Not to mention, you can not see the doctor's other hand, and there's no glove. What the fuck kind of doctors they got going on in the military? That ain't even Honduran medical school bad, that's just fucked up! This really does not bode well for the Ol' General. This is some sick shit. This is bound to end up on the Internet. Oh wait...it did.

Oh my lord, I think the doctor just fisted General Halftrack. The old guy looked like he got just harpooned by a Japanese whaling ship! I know he's an incompetent, miserable, borderline alcoholic with a shitty golf game. But damn, there's laws against abusing the elderly. And then, there's the doctor's excuse..."I was just putting on some skin cream." What the fuck, man, are you putting it on his colon? I mean, there's has to be a reason that shit would hurt, and judging by the way this strip went down, it has got to be your technique. Maybe try not going elbow deep in a motherfucker? I'm just saying, is all. I don't imagine comic strip or military doctors worry too much about malpractice insurance, but somebody should start worrying about Greg and Mort Walker. I think they have been at this FAR too long, if this is what they are thinking for a Tuesday.