by Thomas Keister

Basically, my mood remains the same from last night when we brought this story up at the beginning of Probably Uncalled For...if I paid $63,500 for an evening with Sarah Palin, she would damn sure be cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen before we shot a humiliation porn video for future DVD release. Drilled, Baby, Drilled sounds like a great title to me. Idiots got way more money than sense if THAT's who they are gonna pay to hang out with them...when you are ready to shoot that movie, Mrs. Palin, give our people a call.

Any facility, any state, any country, anywhere, that allows a schizophrenic murderer to take a personal day at a county fair?...yeah, they need to take those in charge, and make THEM keep an eye on the psychos at an amusement park for a day, with the likely sub-par wages their employees normally make, and then we'll see how many nutcases get the "model patient" label stuck to them. This is easily one of the dumbest fucking things I have ever heard of, and every idiot from Eastern State Hospital in Washington that was involved with this should definitely be looking for another job...maybe at the drive-up window, something that will better harness their snap judgement abilities...

If you are going to commit suicide by throwing yourself in front of a train, please do everyone the favor of finding one made in this century, cause they will probably do the job a little better than the train that simply bumped a guy out of the way in Lodi, California last week. The cow catcher rolled him to safety, traveling a blistering 15 MPH. Seriously, you found a train with a cow catcher? What, did you find the one part of California that still has gold rush fever. What the fuck is this, 1885?

How did a guy named Shorty Smoothe NOT wind up on a VH-1 show involving reality show gutter skank New York?...it's a fucking outrage, people...

The fact that Twitter, despite never having made so much as a single nickel, is supposedly valued at $1 billion...yeah, I said it last night, I will say it again here...the beginning of the next dot com bust. Ask your 401K people how much of your money has been flushed down the porcelain as "venture capital" for a website that offers absolutely NOTHING revolutionary, other than real time updates from Ashton Kutcher and Kayne West furthering their douchebag credentials. Naturally, you can follow us here on Twitter @freereinmedia...

Thought it was really amusing that fans of the Insane Clown Posse in communities in four states are now considered validated gang members. I knew, sooner or later, that having little to no taste was going to wind up being a crime someday...

I know I have a tendency to make fun of electric or hybrid cars, but Nissan putting the "Blade Runner" sound effect on their upcoming Leaf vehicle is flat fucking awesome. Too bad it will probably cost $50 grand...

Teen girls accused of squeezing muffins? Still hot, no matter how times I hear it...too bad there was no video...would have been even better if they were accused of squeezing the spotted dick in the very next story we covered...

Finally, kudos to the man with the biggest balls in all of Greece, for growing pot in the grass median on the country's main highway. We aren't talking tiny little starter plants, we're talking nearly six foot tall plants, over three dozen of them, and the guy made no effort to hide them. Wow. I use this joke a lot, but apparently, this is what happens in Greece when the police skip practice...

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