by Thomas Keister

I don't know which is sadder at this point, the fact that Dana Perino is so clueless she actually believes her straight-faced nonsense that there was no  terrorist attack on this country during the George W. Bush presidency, or the fact Fox News still doesn't have a problem putting her dumb ass on the  air...

In relation to a story about Findlaw.com's distracted driving survey, I found Car and Driver magazine's study even more provocative. If, as according to  their study, texting while driving is more dangerous than drunk driving, then by God, why, as I said on the show, is the penalty for doing so not at  least as severe? I'm sure the cell phone companies have more than enough lobbyist to work this issue like a cheap whore on a busy corner...

TruTv should really give out year-end awards for dumbass court shit, with trophies and everything, cause if the "McDonald's defense" theory Daniel  Schuler and his defense have cooked up after his wife's fatal wrong way wreck this past July isn't a sure-fire winner for Worst Performance by the  Defense in a Civil Case, then there really isn't any justice in the world...

Zac Efron wanting to be a villain in a Bond movie is depressing enough, but then again, after Quantam of Solace, it can't get much worse...

While it's already angering enough to see where TARP bailout recipients considered creating jobs overseas, the concept of a court forcing a bank to  continue loaning money to a business venture that is behind schedule, over budget, and dead on the asphalt smacks of sheer imcompetence. Forcing money  into losing ventures is now way to run a bank, nor is it any kind of responsible way to run an economy. If the automaker bailout and Cash For Clunker  program didn't prove that, I don't know what else possibly could. It's crap like this that leads the banks to research and discover new and exciting  ways to nickel and dime us to death. You know, beyond all out tax money, that is...

Britain's new Digital Economy Bill can be summed up thusly- staggerly fucking draconian. Granting one man unfettered power to regulate the Internet,  with no apparent oversight to speak, is a ludicrous move by a nation that should no longer be taken seriously, period. If anyone who has ever listened  to my show wondered why I often make savage fun of Britain, no story before sums it up such as this one. If I haven't already said it in print, allow me  to state it now- Britain is now, in my humble opinion, a cheap Third World police state that is no longer even sensical enough to realize what its  become...

How Sony hasn't gone bankrupt yet is slightly amazing to me. Nine years to launch the PS2 in Brazil, the fifth most populous country on the freakin  planet? Mind fucking boggling. The fact they are charging the equivilent of $460 for a nine-year-old game system. Utterly mind fucking boggling. You  spend $460 on a PS2 in 2009, you're probably the same kind of mental giant who'll end up buying a banned XBox 360 on eBay. Happy Holidays, you gaggle of  morons...

There really isn't that much left on this planet that gives me the creeps, but a criminal ring trafficking human fat? For use in the production of  cosmetics? Oh my fucking damn it, that is messed the fuck up. It's like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only with a pink Mary Kay Cadillac in the driveway.  At $15,000 per gallon, according to the head of Peru's criminal division, that's just one good sized fattie for a decent pink Cadillac...

Fail, Canada. Big damn epic fail. Nothing says on the ball like "misplacing" $15.3 million in gold. Nothing says something doesn't quite smell right  when the official statement is "We aren't saying dick," and the police couldn't find the gold, but figured it was a break even deal, and decided not to  investigate. That, my friends, is how you pull a retirement score...