by Thomas Keister

Heavy indeed is the head that wears the crown...this past Monday, the Royal Variety Performance was held in Blackpool, and in going with tradition, Queen Elizabeth II was in attendance. Poor woman. Not that I am dogging all the performers, which this year included Whoopi Goldberg, Chaka Khan, Lulu, and Bette Midler, but I can only imagine what the 83-year-old monarch thought of being subjected to not only Lady Gaga but Miley Cyrus, who decided the best course of action was to come as close as humanly possible to displaying her schoochie to Her Majesty. Hopefully, next year whoever's in charge of putting the performance together won't think of subjecting the Queen to a lap dance from one of the skanks from VH1's Rock of Love...