by Thomas Keister

I hate dumbass stories about judges getting all cute and creative with the justice system. They can't get shit done half the damn time, and when they do, it's only sentencing some celebrity fuckwit to fifteen minutes of jail time. Then they act like they just cured cancer while saving a busload of centerfold models from certain peril.

No, this isn't some man bites dog moment where his honor sentenced some idiot to stand in front of a mall wearing a sign that proclaims he did, in fact, drop a steamer in the middle of the food court. That's been done more than Snookie after a dollar jello shot special. This one has the potential to become the new world class of stupid.

Nevada District Judge Dave Gamble apparently felt like phoning it in while dealing with a California law firm employee that had been busted for selling a quarter-pound of weed in the parking lot of a Lake Tahoe casino. Judge Gamble sentenced Matthew Palazzolo to write, within 90 days, a report on the "nonsensical character" of California's medical marijuana law.

Cute. A book report to get out of jail. While I can't say anything about a light sentence for a non-violent drug offense, I'm not so sure about this as an alternative. Is the judge going to grade it, or will his lazy ass just look at five or six stapled pages and figure that's good enough? Not to mention, what the fuck does it matter to a small-time Nevada judge what the law is in California, unless somebody is looking into making a little sideline money with a dispensary. I'm just saying.

Even more questionable, the paper is also supposed to touch on Palazzolo's realization that marijuana led him to use more powerful narcotics. What? This guy works for a law firm, and that weakass "gateway drug" bullshit is the best he had going into court? And he got away with it, with just a book report? Whatever the hell law firm this Palazzolo guy works for better give him a raise for skating like that...just so long as they don't drug test him, apparently.