by Thomas Keister

I can't say much about the journalist quitting her job on the air from boredom due to a "slow news day." I have actually quit a job before from sheer unadulterated soul-sucking boredom, but quitting over a "slow news day?" There are bloggers who make six digits a year somehow obsessing over the cuts of meat used in Lady Gaga's dress full of uncooked skank, so can there ever really be such a thing as a slow news day? Fuck, I'd settle for 50 grand just to write the shit I write now:

SLOW NEWS DAY?

I have never understood the fascination with exercise videos, at least in a sexual manner. It's as titilating as the freakin' bra ads in a JC Penney circular, so the merging of exercise routines with pole dancing, as evidenced by the upcoming 2010 Miss Pole Dance Canada competition is just another harbinger of doom. No g-strings? No nudity? No "provocative gestures?" You know what, Canada...maybe you should just stick to curling and trying to figure out how to get a Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup. This pushes pole dancing to the realm of possibility for desperate housewife wannabes. It was already bad enough they thought it was a good idea to go grocery shopping in pajama bottoms, now some 225 gallon barrel of gravy thinks she's gonna be able to rock the pole? Not that it isn't possible, just not a good mental picture:

NOT A POLE DANCE, BUT A LIE...

Not even going to pretend to be surprised by this story. I mean, who the hell can take half the regulatory bodies in China seriously? Not even ten years ago, there was a news story about two villages in a dispute because one thought the other was stealing their clouds. This is how they run their meteorology, how can you act shocked that the air safety in China is as reliable as any other kind of safety in China?:

CHINESE AIRLINE DRILL?

Found myself both intrigued and amused by the Top 100 Cities for sexual activity. I thought it was funny that both Lexington and Louisville, Kentucky finished higher than New York City. Guess getting lucky in Kentucky ain't no bullshit, at least on a per capita basis. Side note #1: I am waiting to see if Lexington making it as high as they did on the list is somehow related to University of Kentucky coach John Calipari, and whether or not they can expect some
sort of NCAA sanction. Side note #2: I kind of wonder if University of Louisville coach Rick Pitino's 15 second trist in an Italian restaurant is what dragged Louisville down in the rankings:

LOVE AMERICAN STYLE

They say youth is wasted on the young...I have been several different varieties of drunk in the past, including nail an ugly chick drunk, nail a fat chick drunk, and stupid second marriage drunk, but somehow, through it all, I never made it to the point I drunk emailed the President of a foriegn country, as a British teenager recently did. I guess now I gotta raise the bar and drunk email the President of the Republic of Djibouti, Ismail Omar Guelleh. Let you know how that works out, once I get his email address and all:

GOOD THING HE DIDN'T HIT 'REPLY ALL'

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