by Thomas Keister
Holy crap- could this be the kingmaker? Chuck Norris endorsed Newt Gingrich
right before yesterday's South Carolina primary, and lo and behold: a big-time
win for Gingrich:

Newt Gingrich: 40%
Mitt Romney: 28%
Rick Santorum: 17%
Rep. Ron Paul: 13%

Think that's a strong win? Gingrich scored 38% of women voters, 44% of  "last-minute deciders," and a
2 to 1 win over Rick Santorum with "born-again evangelical voters." While it statistically may be a strong win, I am not personally  impressed. 

Okay, I might be a little shocked over the 38% of women  voters- that just tells me 38% of the women voters participating in the South Carolina primary are either trophy wives, comfortable with the idea of an open marriage, or women who have had affairs with Gingrich in the past. Yeah...burn that image into your mind- Newt Gingrich as the  Wilt Chamberlain of South Carolina. 

Last-minute deciders?  Really? When the hell did that become a demographic, and more importantly, how the hell would the pollsters know? Last-minute deciders being counted as a voting demographic creates a whole new  aspect to the political game- impulse voting. That's a fairly terrifying thought that the politicians are figuring out to target the short attention span crowd. That's really who they want, those who love them  long enough to get elected, then can't remember why they voted the  candidate in to
begin with. Hold on, from the looks of things, President Obama already mastered that in 2008.

So, according to Rick Santorum, there have been three primaries with  three
winners. Not so fast, pal. First, Iowa couldn't even run their  primary without
losing a crapload of votes, leading them to then declare they weren't going to
declare a winner, right before they turn around  and declared a winner.
Bullshit. You only get half-credit when the Iowa  GOP resorts to professional
wrestling style story arcs to try and stay  relevant after pooching their one
moment in the sun every four years.

I was looking forward to this primary so I could try and handicap the  next
dropout. With Gingrich performing sluggishly in the polls, and his  own implied
importance on a strong finish being the only thing to keep  the campaign alive,
I joined a few people in predicting the end for  Newt. Who woulda thunk
it?

So where does this leave my  previously predicted three man race heading into the Florida primary at  the end of the month? Mitt Romney's going to have to stumble a lot  harder before he starts having doubts, Newt apparently just got a can of spinach from Chuck Norris and is back in the fight, and Ron Paul is  going to ride out his farewell campaign to the convention (and beyond?...) Guess that leaves Rick Santorum as the prime candidate for the next fork.

Sure, Santorum enjoyed his fifteen seconds of fame at the top of  the theoretical heap, but who hasn't among past and present GOP  contenders this cycle? Oh, right- Jon Huntsman, but other than him, who  else hasn't? Rick Santorum simply does not have the experience, the  charisma, the ability to beat
President Obama in a debate, nor the  electability to pull it off. There's also the massive douchebag factor  involved.

At this point in the game, I am more interested in seeing who the contenders are kicking around as possible running mates, whether or not Santorum or any of the actual also-rans will re-emerge in a supporting role, and whether or not we will see a new media sensation created from a running mate. God, I hope not. Otherwise the remaining 334 days until the Mayan apocalypse is really going to seem
long...