Okay, by now most of us have heard about President Obama supposedly telling NASA head Charles Boldin that his 'foremost' job was to help make Muslims feel good about their contributions to science. No idea how true that was, nor what good it would do either way, despite my personal suspicions based on the amount of time between the story first coming out and the White House contradicting the story.
At any rate, NASA has been sucking wind for a while now. The space shuttle program is coming to an end, and even though it's been a minute since a billion dollar piece of equipment dashed itself into a million pieces, what has NASA done lately to remain a household topic, other than have a dingbat astronaut strap on a diaper and a revenge fantasy during a roadtrip to Houston?
For those of you frustrated by the lack of activity, suffer no further angst. Yesterday, while speaking at a conference in San Francisco, NASA Ames director Simon Worden proclaimed that his division was launching a project with DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) to create the "Hundred Year Starship," as well as asserting that the space program was "now really aimed at settling other worlds." The project was recently launched with $1 million from DARPA and $100,000 from NASA.
Okay. Let me see if I got this straight. NASA and DARPA are going to collaborate on a "starship." Not a rocket. Not a satellite. Not a shuttle, a space station, a silly little rover, or a new big fucking telescope. A STARSHIP.
Set phasers to surprised. After the Obama administration went out of its way to gut NASA, this is a bold step. They are moving beyond all that pansy crap and getting to the meat and potatoes. A freakin' starship. Tell me the guy who gets that command won't get more action than a porta-john during OktoberFest.
But then again, we all know this is going to be a bigger joke than it sounds. I mean, honestly, you are going to launch a project like this with only $1.1 million dollars? That less than one day of shooting the Star Trek reboot. Hell, I bet it cost more than $1.1 million to fake the fucking moon landing. And this is government in action, so that $1.1 million is already down to probably $200 grand after all the administrative red tape bullshit, impact studies, and wild meth-driven romps with Japanese hookers. What the hell are you going to accomplish with $200 grand? There are fucking watches that cost $200,000. Unless NASA is going to go all giant slingshot, like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon, at which case I will finally endeavor to make it to Florida for a launch...
Worden is at least as focused as his current state of...ahem...importance...allows. "I think we’ll be on the moons of Mars by 2030 or so," he said. Look, Poindexter, we won't even be on Earth's moon by 2030. There is far too much hype and far too little money going around for us to even consider escape velocity.