This week's WWE action kicked off with Chris Jericho picketing the show, trying to garner signatures for a petition to bring him back to RAW. Given what we have seen on Monday nights the past few weeks, the first question I would have for Jericho is why in God's name would you want to?
Naturally, as John Cena was already in this week's main event, he hit the ring for a patented 20 minute promo. It was hardly surprising that Cena ended the promo by putting Sheamus through the table, but thankfully, that also told me he would not be relegating the Irishman to the Transitional Champions bin just yet.
We then got to see guest host Timbaland for the first time, and he looked just as excited to be there as I was to be watching RAW this week. That is not a complement.
Once again, Randy Orton was dealing out ultimatums to Legacy's Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, in advance of their singles matches, telling them a loss means the end of their run with the trio. This is the second or third time Orton has played this card, and it's hard to see how this serves any of the three men well. All the great stables throughout history are known for one thing above all else, and that is cohesion, and I have never been able to get fully behind Legacy for just that reason.
Here I was thinking that the Maryse-Kelly Kelly match was going to be a typical beer match. Well, I was right, but extra credit this week to Maryse for her pin cover. Easily the best part of RAW. Not because I have Jerry Lawler's Puppy Fanaticism syndrome, but because it was a moment for the adults who remember the good old days before they cranked the PG dial to one notch shy of "Saturday morning cartoon show."
Chris Jericho and The Big Show then met up outside the arena, where Show's "moving on" speech to Jericho was the funniest moment of the evening. Yep, no midgets, no Bella twins incessantly doing that dime-store "Go Daddy" wiggle, no merch plugs, just some funny dialogue. The ringside ticket angle was readily identifiable, but at least it showed a little effort to try some wrestling related camera work.
Yeah, Vince confirmed Bret Hart guest hosting the January 4 RAW and yes, Shawn Michaels continues to press his case for a WrestleMania rematch with The Undertaker, but why did it feel like Vince was guest hosting "The Abraham Washington Show?" When even Vince looks like he is phoning it in, do you need any more of an excuse to clean house of all the "Hollywood" writers?
I was going to mention the DX-Show/Chavo match, but I have a strict "Hornswoggle-free" rule in this column. The only feature of the match really worth mentioning was the "ringside ticket" angle played out by Show and Jericho. Old school touch for a new school train wreck, which is what this match became one the wee folk started springing up from under the ring.
The only thing that saved the main event was the DQ finish. It's getting harder to watch a Cena match day by day, but oddly enough, watching John Cena matches makes it easier to watch old Ultimate Warrior matches. Yeah, I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, either...
- Ted DiBiase defeated Evan Bourne by pinfall
- Cody Rhodes defeated Mark Henry by pinfall
- Maryse defeated Kelly Kelly by pinfall
- Kofi Kingston defeated U.S. Champion The Miz in a non-title match, then defeated The Miz in a U.S. title match by DQ when Randy Orton attacked Kingston
- Unified Tag Team Champions D-Generation X defeated The Big Show and Chavo Guerrero
- John Cena defeated WWE Champion Sheamus by DQ when Sheamus yanked the referee to the mat countering an Attitude Adjustment.
Bottom Line: F. Two hours and change of airtime, and you shoehorn six matches into less than seventeen minutes of airtime? I would rather RAW stick to their new "Mad TV" format and have three matches a week than have every match on the card UNDER five minutes! I know some backyard mooks who could have put together a more coherent line-up than what we got here tonight. My joke used to be there was hope if a worker was guest hosting, but anymore, it's all punchline and no set-up. Maybe next week will be different with Hart, but somehow, I'm not optimistic...