by Thomas Keister
I know I have a tendency to rag on the United Kingdom, notably Britain, for their nanny state shenanigans, but in the interest of fairness (NOT to be confused with the Fairness Doctrine or whatever in the name of damn some cable network terms "fair and balanced"), I gots to jump all over some real stupid low forehead mouth-breathin' motherfuckers over in New Hampshire.
Remember the idiot chick in Kentucky who was convinced to strip off some clothing, at her job (a McDonald's), OVER THE FUCKING PHONE?!?!?!? Yeah, of course you do. It made national headlines, and somehow, this chick cashed out in a lawsuit. Amazing how the dumbasses are getting rich a hell of a lot quicker than I am. Then again, I used to convince people with equally more money than sense to waste that disposable income on XM satellite radio, so I can't totally underestimate the use of the phone to get over on the lower percentile IQ crowd.
But anyhow, on to New Hampshire, where this time, the dumbasses in question weren't toiling away sub-living wage style at some Golden Arches, but at a KFC. The prank call this time led to the intrepid staff testing the fire supression system. Yeah, nothing like getting covered in fire-retardant chemicals...that's a good prank. If you buy every fucking thing you hear on the phone, you fucking dolt.
Long story shorter...the idiots set off the fire extinguisher system, then they are standing there, covered in what the hell ever, and then the brainchild on the other end of the phone tells the staff to urinate on each other. How marvelous and rare, the sense of humor that can combine the subtlety of pulling the high school fire alarm and a golden shower.
As one can imagine, after getting told to piss on each other, the employees figured out something was afoot. After all, management usually handles the urination on employees every two weeks on payday. Calling the cops, the employees were found disrobed in the parking lot. In all, two idiots and two police officers were treated for exposure to the chemicals, with a third KFC employee refusing treatment, figuring they would rather take their chances with the chemicals than the massive embarassment being that damn stupid must cause.
Authorities are investigating the matter as a criminal offense, and the restaurant remains closed at present until health officials determined the location was safe to re-open. Not that I am a giant fan of KFC, but if you find your way to Manchester, New Hampshire, steer thee clear of the KFC on Hooksett Road. They ain't smart enough to handle food for the public, as recent events have indicated...
by Thomas Keister